If I knew how in the heck to post pics using the Chrome laptop, I would...

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"The most moving love story of the war": "When her husband was shot in the head by a sniper, Eileen Willett risked her own life by travelling alone to France to bring him home!" [By 'MARY GREENE']




This is a true story of wartime determination and devotion - of a young woman's passionate love that defied social convention in an era when women didn't even have the vote. Above all it is a story of female bravery at a time when men were being feted for their courage. But when Wilfred Willett and Eileen Stenhouse - grandparents of political historian Anthony Seldon - met at a Cambridge May Ball in 1913 they could not have guessed at how their love would be tested by the horrors of war.


Wilfred was a medical student at Trinity from a middle-class family and Eileen a sheltered Edwardian young lady who had just emerged from a Swiss finishing school. Her stepfather, a wealthy stockbroker, had been wary of letting her attend the ball as her older stepsister had recently caused a scandal by eloping with the family coachman. Eileen, though she was 20 and had been invited by a male cousin, had to be chaperoned by her governess.


For Wilfred and Eileen - who must have looked ravishing in her gown of champagne lace and a purple velvet cloak - it was love at first sight.


In the months that followed they embarked on a courtship that only became more difficult when Wilfred began his hospital training in London. He was only 22, likely to be dependent on his parents for several years to come, and neither family would have approved of an engagement. Mrs Willett, Wilfred's domineering mother, disliked Eileen from the start. Eileen's family, who had aristocratic connections, thought Wilfred wasn't good enough for her. So on 16 December 1913 - just seven months after they met - the couple married in secret. 'They were ecstatically happy, but there were dark clouds on the horizon. Wilfred was consumed by the approaching war and without telling Eileen, he joined the London Rifle Brigade.'


Eileen continued to live at her grand family home in Kensington where there were 12 servants. Wilfred continued with his studies. But she rented a bed-sitting room close to the hospital for clandestine afternoon meetings. They were ecstatically happy, but there were dark clouds on the horizon. Wilfred was consumed by the approaching war and without telling Eileen, he joined the London Rifle Brigade.


War was declared on 4 August 1914, Eileen's 22nd birthday. The time had come to tell their parents they were married. There was a row, of course, then a 'proper' church wedding a few days later, which Wilfred's mother refused to attend. He embarked for France on 4 November. Five weeks later, on 13 December, Wilfred's valet Sgt Moore was shot and wounded in the leg in no-man's-land at Ploegsteert Wood in Belgium. Wilfred grabbed his medical kit and ran to help him. But as he turned to call for the stretcher-bearers, he was hit in the head by a sniper, the bullet passing straight through. At home in London, Eileen was frantic when Wilfred's letters stopped and there was no news, not even a postcard for their first wedding anniversary. On 20 December she heard at last that Wilfred was in hospital in Boulogne. Nobody expected him to survive. Nobody, that is, except his wife. Determined to bring Wilfred home, she spent two days badgering the War Office, then the Foreign Office, which did not encourage civilians to travel to France or Belgium to visit severely wounded soldiers or attend their funerals.


Women making shells in factories were called 'Canaries' because the picric acid they worked with stained their skin yellow. One of them, Mary Hall, recalled, 'Later we'd have a good wash, and our skin was perfectly yellow, even to the toenails.' Trench conditions varied enormously. Some were little more than open sewers, but the Germans furnished theirs with beds and armchairs and, in the case of one found at Beaumont-Hamel on the Somme, hung tapestries on the walls Liberal politician Charles Masterman recruited Britain's literary giants to write war propaganda.


Among those who lent their pens to the Allied cause were Rudyard Kipling, HG Wells, Thomas Hardy, GK Chesterton and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Remarkably, she managed to get an official permit signed by the Foreign Secretary, Sir Edward Grey, allowing her to sail across the Channel. The inexperienced girl made that journey into the war zone quite alone. At the hospital, Eileen found Wilfred unable to speak and barely conscious. His doctors had written him off. She persisted until they allowed her to take him back to England; a nightmare boat journey. She secured a posse of medical orderlies to travel with them but even with their help, Wilfred was so carelessly strapped onto the stretcher that he almost slipped off between the boat and the jetty.


Finally he was admitted to a convalescent home in London, but when he began to suffer from convulsions, Eileen realized the only person who could save his life was the venerable surgeon who had been his professor at the London Hospital. She got him admitted to the hospital, where he finally underwent surgery to remove splinters of bone from his brain and began to recover. But there was to be no happy ending for the young couple. Wilfred's speech was badly affected and he was paralyzed on his right side; there was no way he could resume his medical career. Dependent on his army pension and a small allowance from his parents, he and Eileen moved into a small house in a village near Tunbridge Wells and had a son and two daughters.


Wilfred suffered from depression and outbursts of rage. One bitterly cold night on a seaside holiday in 1931 when she was 11, their daughter Marjorie saw her mother running towards the sea, then leading Wilfred back from the water's edge.


Years later Marjorie asked Wilfred what had happened. 'He told me he had been filled with unutterable misery... He could not bear to go on,' she wrote in her memoir of her parents, Poppies And Roses (now out of print). 'He thought he would dash into the waves, walk until he was carried off his feet and sink to his death in the waves.' But he didn't. He thought of his family, unsupported if he died and his war pension stopped. When Eileen came, he remembered clinging to her. 'Only in her arms did I feel sheltered from the remorseless world,' he said. Wilfred found some solace in his love of nature and became quite well known for several books about British birds and wild flowers.


Wilfred and Eileen died in 1961, within six weeks of each other. Eileen first, stoically, of cancer, then Wilfred had a stroke. They had been married for 48 years. Then, in the early 1970s, a young English teacher at Tonbridge School heard their story from a 16-year-old pupil, Anthony Seldon. That young teacher was Jonathan Smith, whose lightly fictionalized novel Wilfred And Eileen was adapted for TV in 1981 and has recently been republished.


Just before Wilfred and Eileen's daughter Marjorie passed away recently, at 94, she said her father used to talk to her about the war. 'It's a good story,' she said, 'it really does have everything.'

'Heaven' ON 'Earth'?

I play at posting really personal things here but have you ever found yourself in that perfect storm moment of emotional disaster in the middle of public, you walk into the grocery store oblivious because your life is a mess you are living in a bubble and you look up and oh crap, flowers and balloons and, everywhere what the hell, and you burst into tears right there in front of god and everyone, oh man is this why I have been feeling what I have or rather not feeling the things I have lately, its freakin mother day this weekend, mom really? What do I do now?

"Ten most common reasons why marriages fail" [By: 'Dr. Val Farmer']


Drawing from my experience as a marriage counselor, here are 10 common problems that destroy marriages.



01. 'Poor boundaries':


Engaging in intimate conversations with members of the opposite sex leads to emotional experiences that cloud judgment, trigger fantasy life, and progress toward physical intimacies outside of marriage.



The connection and acceptance found in an illicit relationship diverts energy away from solving problems with one's spouse. Confiding about marital problems with a sympathetic listener provides a contrasting experience to whatever dissatisfaction might be present in the marriage.



02. 'Selfishness':


There needs to be fairness in the distribution of work and responsibility within the relationship. This willingness to extend oneself also pertains to meeting emotional needs. Placing one's desires consistently ahead of a partner's emotional needs and responding only when it is a matter of convenience, demand or negotiations leaves a spouse feeling unloved.



If too many important needs are neglected over time, the unloved spouse feels used or taken advantage of. Consistent lack of love interferes with a spouse's willingness to give unselfishly in the relationship. When marriage partners don't trust their needs will be met, they tend to meet their own needs first and become hesitant to share freely of themselves.



Selfishness in its most destructive form involves control, manipulation, jealousy, possessiveness, demands and abuse in order to get one's way. In milder forms, it is lack of consideration and respect.



03. 'Disrespectful judgments':


Marriage needs acceptance, admiration, appreciation and emotional safety. Feelings of anger and hurt follow when the process of exploring differences or contrasting opinions consistently degenerates into criticism, impatience, labeling, contempt, or discrediting one's thoughts or feelings.



It is disrespectful to try to change a spouse's thinking by lecture, ridicule, threats, brainwashing, or negative aspersions. These perceived attacks on personality, character, intelligence or values undermine the mutual respect that forms the basis of love. The tendency is to retaliate in kind or else to withdraw and not share one's ideas. It becomes hard to love or give of oneself when one feels unfairly judged or mistreated.



04. 'Explosive, angry outbursts or rages':


Anger can have a useful purpose if it is listened to and leads to dialogue and constructive problem-solving. However, anger can either create more anger or withdrawal, both of which interfere with effective communications.



Unbridled and unpredictable tempers interfere with emotional safety and trust when spouses need to engage each other on emotional issues. The issues behind the anger get lost as the angry response is perceived as unjust, abusive and unwarranted. It is intimidating and controlling.



05. 'Lack of emotional intimacy':


The lack of sharing one feelings, goals, hurts, struggles, joys and emotional details of one's life lead to loneliness and sadness. Feelings of friendship and partnership come from being connected through interest, deep listening and empathy, mutual support, and sharing perspectives as confidants.



Expectations for marriage include a desire for this soul-satisfying experience of being known, understood, loved, accepted and valued for who you are and having a place to turn for comfort and support. If this component of marriage is lacking, marital partners feel cheated of the essence of what they truly expect marriage should provide.



06. 'Lack of affection and sexual fulfillment':


When needs for sex and affection are not met, problems mushroom. Without affectionate gestures and words, love seems hollow and not as believable. People don't marry to get a roommate. They expect to have an active and fulfilling sexual life. Chronic anger and conflict dampen a couple's willingness to be affectionate with each other.



07. 'Leading separate lives':


Relationships also suffer when couples don't mesh their lives through shared activities, recreational companionship or spending enough time together.



Living too independently from each other takes away connection and joy from the relationship. Couples need to function as a team when it comes to parenting, managing a household, sharing finances, and relating to relatives. They need to consult with each other about important decisions and coordinate their schedules.



Time needs to be set aside to enjoy conversation, adventures, common interests, vacations and fun. Time spent together should be anticipated with pleasure. Without this component, couples drift apart and have little in common.



08. 'Communication is a painful process':


A marriage with too much conflict, hostility, blame, criticism, defensiveness, and belligerent verbal attacks seems like life with an enemy instead of a friend. Marriage needs to be a place of safety, a haven, a place of love and refuge, not a war zone.



Always being 'right', being 'rigid', 'judgmental', or easily angered or flooded with emotion disrupt communication before problems can be solved. Avoidance of conflict is even a bigger problem as the emotional connection is lost when couples don't share opinions and attempt to resolve conflict. When repeated attempts to solve problems fail, one partner gives up and starts to withdraw emotionally.



09. 'Destructive habits and addictions':


Addictions have great power to be placed in front of the needs and happiness of a partner. Betrayal, hurt, anger and pain follow the wake of addictive behavior. Addictions need to be treated to protect the integrity of the marriage.



10. 'Dishonesty, laziness and other character defects':


Basic trust and respect underlie love and form the basis of relationships. Lies, deceit, disloyalty, secret habits, or emotional dishonesty about thoughts or feelings destroy trust and respect. Spouses who willingly don't take or follow through with their personal responsibilities unfairly shift those burdens to their partner. Marriage is a partnership between equals, not a 'parent/child' relationship.

Tami


http://www.facebook.com/JimmyKimmelLive/videos/10153267118168374/

thanks