I was trying to just relax and focus on nothing.
Does this make sense?
Yes it does actually. It makes a lot of sense.
I think one problem that I'm having is the way that Penczak does this meditation. Thus far I've been using his CDs almost exclusively to meditate with. Other than the shaman drumming that I do on my own. But in the drumming meditations I'm not 'going anwhere'. At least not yet. I just get lost in the drumbeat.
In any case, in Penczak's "Object Meditation" he talks you through it. He begins with the relaxation, then the countdowns (I have more to say about those too), and finally he takes you through the meditation journey.
In the 'Object Meditation' he has you begin with your awareness in you head. Then he has you go down your neck though your arms and to your fingertips that are holding the object.
Then he has you 'enter' the object. And he asks you what do you see?
At that point I see like total nothingness. Or blackness actually.
I think part of the problem is that I'm trying to see something without imagining it!
I don't think that's going to work.
I think the imagination needs to play a roll. I think that what is required is to be in my imagination, but not in control of it.
Let the crystal take control of it.
I think I'm so afraid of controlling the imagination myself that I flatly refuse to go into my imagination in the first place.
I don't know if that makes any sense to you, but I think I might have a better clue how to do it already having just typed this.
I definitely need to be in my imagination, but not in control of it.
This happens all the time in dreams.
In fact, let me talk about a dream I had associated with Penczak's countdowns.
The Meditation Countdowns
Penczak uses a method of meditation that begins with countdowns. At first I was totally thrown for a loop by this, but then later I understood his reasoning behind it.
He begins with a countdown from 12 to 1. And then a second countdown from 13 to 1.
The first countdown is in honor of the God and basically represents the 12 months of the year. Penczak says that the God is associated with the walking mind and logic, etc.
So this countdown is suppose to be somewhat logos related. (i.e. wordy)
And so for this reason he does a very wordy countdown like so,...
12, see the number 12 on the screen of your mind, 12
11, see the number 11 on the screen of your mind, 11
10, see the number 10 on the screen of your mind, 10
At first this was driving me batty.
I didn't feel that I needed all that talking. Just say the numbers and owl dew the visualizations.
But Penczak explains that this first countdown is supposed to be wordy. I'm not so sure I agree with this particular quirk.
On the Screen of My Mind?
The other thing that bothered me was his reference to a 'screen in my mind'.
What do I need a screen for? My whole mind is a 3-dimensional landcape of imagination. Sure, I can imagine a screen with numbers on it, but why bother? I can imagine numbers anyway in the landscape of my mind. And they can be 3-dimensional and even moving, tumbling, or transforming in shape. I can even imaging the numbers transumting into the next number in the countdown.
In the early going I was having a problem with this because Penczak kept saying "See the number on the screen of your mind".
I was trying to imagine really cool 3-dimensional numbers, but his words were so distracting that I finally had to imagine a stupid screen with numbers on it.
Ok, so later I had a dream.
I was actually sitting on a large number 12. It was made of granite and quite 3-dimensional. In fact, the 2 was about 4 feet high maybe 2 feet wide and about 4 feet in depth.
Quite a large obelisk actually. The number 1 was standing next to it to make the 12. Both of these granite numbers were very old and weathered and they were covered with moss and vines.
I was sitting on top of the 2 in the middle of this large meadow. In front of me was a large screen. Like at a drive-in movie theater. On the screen there were numbers counting down. They were in black and white and looked like TV test pattern numbers. Like so,...
A old man dressed like an ancient indian walked up to me and asked me why I was watching the numbers on the screen.
I shrugged my shoulders and said, "This is Penczak's idea"
The man then motioned to all the numbers laying in the meadow. There were many 3-dimensional stone numbers all strewn throughout the meadow. Some were laying on their sides, others were upside down or tilted at various angles.
He said, "What's wrong with these numbers?"
I assured him that there's nothing wrong with them and that I intend on using them later after I get used to Penczak's motion picture numbers.
He just looked at me like I was really strange and then disappeared.
Now see, that man appearing in that dream came in on his own. I didn't imagine that character.
So I guess that's they way it needs to be with the crystal too.
I need to be in a dream of sorts and then just let the crystal come into that dream on its own.
This is what I really need to accomplish for many shamanic journeys.
I need to be in my 'field of dreams' and the just let these other characters or spirits show up on their own.
I think what I've been doing with the crystal is just shutting down the dream state altogether expecting to make contact with the crystal directly somehow. But I guess that silly. It needs to be done psychically through a dream. That's the true art of shamanic traveling I guess.
I'm learning.
Slowly but surely.