Buy me a drink? Anybody? Anybody?...... I have a show to do or something and the bar just flagged me, man........

However....I STILL take requests, dig?

....cuz', like....this is my JOB, man....and I can't do my job if yr not here, see?

"These lights are bright, man! Turn em' down."

(our narrators steps on stage.....)

"....If ya' got a mirror ball though, man.....turn that ON!!!"


O.K. Any requests?

Haley! Looking beautiful as usual.

You and Lude are looking pretty Fabulous yourself!

So whats on tap...what drink would you like?

Thanks. Captain Quaalude just learned how to Vogue. He's feeling special....

Dancing Hamsters?

Yea. He dances. He can Mash Potato.....he can do The Twist.....

We have Pabst on tap. We're on a budget here..... Want one? On the house.

No... Thank you. I came to flirt not drink.

Believe me.....I sound much better if YOU drink, dig?

I might wear perpetual beer goggles.....but yr cute!

(....Piano Man slinks on stage. Rumpled suit....smoking a Marlboro....reeking of cheap whiskey and cologne........ Blinks at the house lights.....)

Turn that **** down, man. Way down. Damn!

(Scratches his balls.....)

O.K. Let's begin.......

We have some very serious death anniversaries today, O.K.? Outside of my career, dig?

(audience laughs....)

No....but seriously.....any requests?

wing it man, that's what you do best!

Well....Kurt died on this day back in....what? 94'? Uh....96'?....I dunno'. I guess "Teen Spirit" is in order, no?

that smells like about right...

O.K. I guess a small history lesson is in order here....for those that missed the memo, dig? (drains his drink. Smokes a Marlboro in 3 drags. Lights another.....)

O.K. Late 80's....hair metal ruled, see? Bon Jovi, Motley crue....Poison.....Guns and Roses, see? But....check THIS out, man! Something was brewing in Seattle, see? A musical movement that would eventually make all these bands seem instantly un-cool and, uh...stupid, see? This was the grunge rock movement, dig?......

dude, which is it?? eventually or instantly?? i want a refund!!