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Topic: why don't people reply to messages?
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red6mist

Fri 11/29/13 04:21 PM

My point is CrystalFairy, getting no response can make one feel rejected. And going by what people have posted in the forums, this sort of thing happens all the time. Which by the way makes me wonder why these people are here in the first place if they can't even be bothered to reply. After all, communication is what dating sites are all about. So from my point of view, all I've got out of this is rejection. But I'm not too upset about it because I've heard that some people like feeling worthless. There are people willing to pay to be treated like a gimp for example. So this got me thinking, surely they weren't always into this sort of thing. It had to be an acquired taste. I mean, you hear stories about it all the time, where a person gets spanked as a child and then develops a taste for it. I read about it in Rousseau's Confessions.
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paintecards01

Fri 11/29/13 04:29 PM

I reply to people that I want to talk to. If I don't want to talk to them, I don't. Sometimes it's personal, sometimes it's not.

The point is, sure people are here to interact with other people, but just like in the real world, you don't want to talk to everyone just because they want to talk to you. I have specific types of people that I want to talk to, if I wanted to talk to anyone and everyone, I could walk outside my door and have a conversation in less than 5 minutes. I've also stopped talking to some people and I avoid other people, for various reasons.

Anyone who assumes that everyone they're interested in is going to reciprocate in kind is setting himself (or herself) up for massive disappointment.
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detroitvelvetsmooth

Fri 11/29/13 04:32 PM

been doing this for years on a few different sites, i probably get a reply 1 out of 15 times....maybe. i send well thought out light hearted, but brief (2 or 3 lines) messages (when i happen to find someone that i may like, doesnt happen often), it seems like a real waste of time when you dont get a reply, but it really isnt. its telling you what kind of person they are to not even acknowledge your effort. and avoiding any more time wasted on that person. i have found that even women that represent themselves as open minded, free spirited, accepting, etc (like i am) usually only show that they actually are 25% of the time. i actually prefer an absent reply to an insincere one or someone who will act interested for the first couple messages, give out a number, then have no interest in continuing a conversation, that is more rejecting than receiving no reply at all
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sybariticguy

Fri 11/29/13 04:34 PM

Its not realistic to expect a response as many women get hundreds of inquiries daily and that makes responding untenable. Dealing with ones feelings requires patience and maturity and the realization that not everyone finds you to be their prince charmning. the focus is best placed on moving forward and not to focus on who has not responded. I am curious as to how many people you are experiencing as it seems like at least a hundred or more will be necessary to work and that assumes your narrative is interesting and offers others some insight into you as a person, your interests, concerns,passions, and life goals, not to mention a glimpse into your personality. Remember when responding negatively to another person you only degrade yourself and assure the other person how right they were to avoid you so always take the high ground and be polite in spite of callous or rude responses..
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paintecards01

Fri 11/29/13 04:36 PM


Its not realistic to expect a response as many women get hundreds of inquiries daily and that makes responding untenable. Dealing with ones feelings requires patience and maturity and the realization that not everyone finds you to be their prince charmning. the focus is best placed on moving forward and not to focus on who has not responded. I am curious as to how many people you are experiencing as it seems like at least a hundred or more will be necessary to work and that assumes your narrative is interesting and offers others some insight into you as a person, your interests, concerns,passions, and life goals, not to mention a glimpse into your personality. Remember when responding negatively to another person you only degrade yourself and assure the other person how right they were to avoid you so always take the high ground and be polite in spite of callous or rude responses..


:thumbsup:
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sweetestgirl11

Fri 11/29/13 04:58 PM

good grief already....what I'd like to know is why peeps worry so much about the things they really have no control over?????slaphead
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PacificStar48

Fri 11/29/13 05:11 PM

It is sad that some folks take this so serious.

If you brush into someone on the airlines and chat them up and then never see them again it is hardly expected that it is a personal failure.

But if you brush against someone on line it is like you have invaded their inner sanctum and you owe them something? Gheez if you are not in contact in real life who ever is there is going to take top billing.

People get their drawers all in a wad because someone doesn't live in cyber world with them? People pop on and off the computer depending on a lot of things. If you are going to get insulted because someone wastes your cyber time then get out in the world and compete where you will be taken more seriously.
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soufiehere

Fri 11/29/13 05:13 PM

Methinks there are many more men than women on this site.
If one is getting 200 emails a day, time/effort is
constrained.

And, experience has shown that if one does not reply, or
returns a reply in a negative fashion..the claws come
out, names are called, anger is shown.

It is mostly just easier not to reply because you are
damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Men have to go out on a limb...accept rejection, probably
a lot. Also probably why they send out so may inquiries,
running the odds.

Make friends, maybe they will come to you :-)
detroitvelvetsmooth's photo

detroitvelvetsmooth

Fri 11/29/13 05:13 PM

why worry at all. if you take these things too seriously, it just gets weird
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paintecards01

Fri 11/29/13 05:17 PM


Methinks there are many more men than women on this site.
If one is getting 200 emails a day, time/effort is
constrained.

And, experience has shown that if one does not reply, or
returns a reply in a negative fashion..the claws come
out, names are called, anger is shown.

It is mostly just easier not to reply because you are
damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Men have to go out on a limb...accept rejection, probably
a lot. Also probably why they send out so may inquiries,
running the odds.

Make friends, maybe they will come to you :-)


Very well said.flowerforyou
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paintecards01

Fri 11/29/13 05:17 PM


good grief already....what I'd like to know is why peeps worry so much about the things they really have no control over?????slaphead


Exactly.
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sweetestgirl11

Fri 11/29/13 05:19 PM


Methinks there are many more men than women on this site.
If one is getting 200 emails a day, time/effort is
constrained.

And, experience has shown that if one does not reply, or
returns a reply in a negative fashion..the claws come
out, names are called, anger is shown.

It is mostly just easier not to reply because you are
damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Men have to go out on a limb...accept rejection, probably
a lot. Also probably why they send out so may inquiries,
running the odds.

Make friends, maybe they will come to you :-)
:thumbsup:


well said. I don;t get 200 msgs a day but I have had some nasties when I say I'm not interested..so it is easier to simply say nada
detroitvelvetsmooth's photo

detroitvelvetsmooth

Fri 11/29/13 05:21 PM

i have never given a negative reply or inquiry, once and done, no response, move on. there is an imbalanced ratio of men to women, and many guys are creepy people or perverts, which makes it more difficult for sure i have had many positive experiences w online dating, and few negative.
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sweetestgirl11

Fri 11/29/13 05:24 PM


i have never given a negative reply or inquiry, once and done, no response, move on. there is an imbalanced ratio of men to women, and many guys are creepy people or perverts, which makes it more difficult for sure i have had many positive experiences w online dating, and few negative.


pretty much agree

but part of that overwhelmingly positive experience includes ignoring or blocking the red flags....
SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo

SparklingCrystal 💖💎

Fri 11/29/13 05:26 PM


My point is CrystalFairy, getting no response can make one feel rejected. And going by what people have posted in the forums, this sort of thing happens all the time. Which by the way makes me wonder why these people are here in the first place if they can't even be bothered to reply. After all, communication is what dating sites are all about. So from my point of view, all I've got out of this is rejection. But I'm not too upset about it because I've heard that some people like feeling worthless. There are people willing to pay to be treated like a gimp for example. So this got me thinking, surely they weren't always into this sort of thing. It had to be an acquired taste. I mean, you hear stories about it all the time, where a person gets spanked as a child and then develops a taste for it. I read about it in Rousseau's Confessions.

Yes it can make someone feel rejected. But to go as far as to say dating sites are about communication ... They're about finding a partner, albeit for an intimate encounter or a serious commitment. Communication is part of that, but not really the main purpose of a dating site, at least I don't think so.
And replying to all that send an (often meaningless message "hi you're so pretty, can I marry you?!) I mean, ffs! I have done so at first, being the nice girl that I am, sending a nice message to say "sorry not interested". But then you get these blokes replying with arguments "yeah but ..." So you gotta be right in their faces and say FO!! Not replying is easier. So I guess the good suffer because of the w**kers.
As for the rejection 'syndrom' and acquired taste: psychology can explain that.
Thanks for explaining a bit more.
flowerforyou
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paintecards01

Fri 11/29/13 05:29 PM

I don't get hundreds of emails either, I'm sure that would be a great source of amusement--0

"Hi preetty lady, I am too marry you, yes, please????"

rofl
Edited by paintecards01 on Fri 11/29/13 05:41 PM
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paintecards01

Fri 11/29/13 05:44 PM


My point is CrystalFairy, getting no response can make one feel rejected. And going by what people have posted in the forums, this sort of thing happens all the time. Which by the way makes me wonder why these people are here in the first place if they can't even be bothered to reply. After all, communication is what dating sites are all about. So from my point of view, all I've got out of this is rejection. But I'm not too upset about it because I've heard that some people like feeling worthless. There are people willing to pay to be treated like a gimp for example. So this got me thinking, surely they weren't always into this sort of thing. It had to be an acquired taste. I mean, you hear stories about it all the time, where a person gets spanked as a child and then develops a taste for it. I read about it in Rousseau's Confessions.


If you mean that some people like playing the victim, hoping to get sympathy and validation, I'm inclined to agree with you. I see a lot of self-deprecating posts on here, mainly begging others to build them up and say "there, there, you're not so bad, anyone who isn't interested in you is missing out." Those people, and their validators annoy me.
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sweetestgirl11

Fri 11/29/13 05:47 PM


I don't get hundreds of emails either, I'm sure that would be a great source of amusement--0

"Hi preetty lady, I am too marry you, yes, please????"

rofl



lollaugh

we must be hearing from the same scammers rofl
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paintecards01

Fri 11/29/13 06:03 PM



I don't get hundreds of emails either, I'm sure that would be a great source of amusement--0

"Hi preetty lady, I am too marry you, yes, please????"

rofl



lollaugh

we must be hearing from the same scammers rofl


Probably.laugh
JohnDavidDavid's photo

JohnDavidDavid

Fri 11/29/13 06:30 PM

When I send a first message I do not expect a response. Occasionally it happens; the 1 in 15 mentioned above may be in the ballpark.

When I receive a first message I sometimes wonder why the sender didn't read my profile and realize that we are poles apart (personally and geographically).

It can be difficult to tell if a person is active -- and even more difficult to determine if they are real.

Feeling rejected by absence of a response seems to be overreaction or over-sensitivity. Why care if an anonymous person on the Internet replies or not? It may not be wise to put too much time and effort into initial contact messages.