OMG this thread brings back memories. Got a good chuckle. Not at anyone just with you. Kind of a been there done that know your pain dude.
I have to say ANYONE who says they have not had the burning desire to throttle the living stuffings out of their kids at least once a day better take the kid to the doctor. Why; because the kid is walking on egg shells and or so depressed they can't think of ways to challenge the "authority figure in the house so be glad for normal. Or the parent is so permissive that the child will be a mess by the time they reach age of majority. Anyone who tries to tell me it is all warm and fuzzy I just call them a collossal LIAR.
BUT hear me loud and clear on this one if you want to survive as a parent; especially a single parent NEVER EVER parent from guilt. It will tie you up and gag you and the real losers will be your kids.
SO FRIGGING WHAT the absent parent might have been better at WHATEVER. NOBODY says you have to be perfect at something or even DO everything the parent who is often missing in action used to do. Your kids rarely expect it but yea occasionally they will fight dirty and give you a zinger. (You really think they never played that song and dance on the missing parent? I stake my life on they do. Because Wonderwoman and Superman were NEVER single parents I exactly why SINGLE PARENTS MUST NETWORK !!! You think all the Super hero type parents do it all themselves? New flash they delegate, bribe, plead, and pay for help too. Remember that little "honey will" whisper in your ear when they wanted something? Yea maybe that wore off or they found a bigger sucker but the one who is gone doesn't get to be a myrter and neither do you. Figure out what you need help and recruit , recruit, recruit and be willing to do your share in return. FYI keep it plutonic or your resource pool will dry up faster than a California reservoir.
Who ever brought up and said "allow natural consequences" step forward and take a bow. I fall at your feet in admiration.
Why ? Because it works and the on duty parent should never feel guilty for using GOOD PARENTING technique. And about the time your kids out grow pampers it should start being deployed but BETTER LATE THAN NEVER. Now I am not talking about waltzing your kid off a cliff here but kids are smart and they catch on fast. If they know they have to pay their favorite outfits out of Duty parent's Found on the floor bag or go to school with no socks or in their pajamas they may pretend they don't care but I assure you when their friends make fun of them they will. So will having to pay mileage when you have to double back to get the "left behinds".
A much better "grounding zone' is the bathroom. It has the essentials but is very boring. Let them spend a few hours sleeping in the tub or washing the cruddy dishes you find with their toothbrush and they are way more likely to eat in the dining room where they should be eating with you on a daily basis.
Boo hoo you miss the absent spouse; better you miss them than miss what is going on in your kid's lives. It will get to be the new normal fast if you give it a chance. Might take a while if you have offered another option but be a force of nature. Kids won't starve. They may sit at the table and pout a meal or two but eat and clear the table and let them miss what you served until the next meal they will be the first one to the table.
One thing about food and actually eating together it seems to loosen up lips. Use your ears and mouth proportionally and if it kills you stop talking and chew your food a hundred times to give them time to get a word in edgewise. Especially if you are smart enough to have a few of their friends around for meal times. Yea your grocery bill might look like the national debt with boys but hey it is a LOT cheaper than bail. It is amazing how co-operative another parent is going to be if you occasionally give them a break.
This does not have to mean bedlam. House rules posted and punishing your kids for letting friends break them is a great step towards giving them a much needed life skill when they get in the real world. Company is only company the first time. You tell the kids to clear their plates and do the dishes you have a better shot at not being exhausted. Even better if you teach them to cook and sometimes you do the dishes. Kids have a sense of fairness and you can learn a lot over a dishpan about what is really on your kids mind. Why I was real serious about giving my kids their night for this one on one time.
But yea I used to tell mine I would rip their arms off and beat them with the bloody stubs. Raised a few eyebrows but they knew they were skateing close to the edge and it was their one and ONLY warning. No need to repeat yourself with kids. Tey have selective hearing only if you allow it.
Edited by
PacificStar48
on Wed 05/27/15 12:00 PM
lol
.... but hey if you play your cards right..
