I am having a horrible time with my wife ( the mother of my 3 kids) she is lazy, a liar and steals prescription medication from my son who needs it desperately. She goes off the deep end and yells, screams, and says horrible things while the kids are standing right there. She really isnt a bad person but i know if i finally get smart and leave she will try her best to take my kids away. Now for the past year i have been a stay at home dad and turned the kids around completely, When she was home the kids were stunted in all aspects of life. How can i end this nicely or how do i take legal action?
You have three kids that need a functioning Mom weather you stay together or not. Hysterical behavior, lazy, lying, and stealing medication is usually a symptom of something; first guess is and addiction of one kind or another but many of these symptoms are also symptoms of thyroid, diabetes, early menopause, even sleep apnea or other health/ mental (depression or bipolar) problems.
NOT to mention a grieving process related to your child's disability and being ousted from her role a primary caregiver. While it is easy to get children in line maybe they are not as happy as you think they are if she is resorting to screaming to get her point across. Does she even like her job or is she stuck in whatever she could get so you can be stay at home Daddy and no longer contribute as a breadwinner. If she makes the typical 80cents on the dollar she is probably working time and a half and still coming home and pitching in.
You don't say why you are now a stay at home Dad or if she had any say in the matter.
Or for that matter the kids. They maybe "submitting" out of fear of losing another parent.
Is she grieving your unemployment/ disability and doesn't know how to address it? Doesn't sound like either of you have any communication skills.
You don't seem to want to take any ownership of the situation that has clearly existed for some time. Maybe if you actually talked/listened to her before it got to the screaming stage you would have a better idea of the root issues here.
You can take legal action but do you really want the courts making the decisions about your family? They generally are very traditional and you can bet they will go with the parent that was the primary care giver the majority of the kids life if you can not PROVE she is unfit in and extreme, chronic , and ir-retractible way. Chances are good you will find yourself out on the street sleeping in your car or the Salvation Army mission with no income if you try to make and iffy case against your wife who seems to have stepped up and support the family. She can hire a live in Nanny for a lot less grief than a husband that is trolling on a dating site for a how to guide to get the kids and I am guessing the home she is threatening to put you out of.
That you have been off work a year AND "turned the kids around" but not Mom can/could be amplifying what ever the problem is. Are your friends and family on board with this major social role switch in your family or is your wife going through a cultural shift without support from anywhere? Is it her first year working after years of being out of work? Or was she really the bread winner all along? You can bet she is having a lot of stress either way.
I would recommend some type of intervention where both of you set down and problem assess together and actually come up with a better plan than what seems to be in the works. I seriously doubt you will like how this ends up.