How can i trust others with my child
Because in the real world with healthy mental health we trust or children to a multitude of people in varying degrees and they learn that from us as an essential life skill.
Is it easy? No, weaning is painful, but you start growing your child's wings from birth and you teach them in age appropriate ways that "NO" is and OK word in their interaction with others and that you are not abandoning them because you do the normal things that separate parents from their children.
Does this mean you leave them when you really don't need to? NO. You can often date when your child is in school, activities, or sleeping with in home care. At least for the initial stages.
I believe that children should see their parents having normal plutonic interaction with adults relatively often outside their home. Then they are not unduly stressed by it and you know early on if they are going to be able to interact with the person. Just because you like them does not mean your child will; especially if they see any new person in Mom's life and the "invader". This does not mean your kids get saddled with making your choices but do you really want to spin your wheels with someone that works like a boil on the back of your child. When you have a child it is a package deal for the next well 30 years at least.
Who you pick for child care depends a lot on variables.
How old is your child and how well can they communicate with you. The lower these variables the less inclined I would be to trust their care with another person/s. Children have not developed the the ability to screen out natural instincts and they are usually pretty good at least initially. . Generally your child will let you know straight away how comfortable they are with a person. If they consistently or suddenly fight or resist another person then you probably want to exit stage right with your kid fast and error on the safe side. Never let a person me the "good buddy' in their life because you have to work or have a normal social life. This goes for family , friends, or hired professionals. Be very leary of anyone who tries to buy their or your love by provideing toys , food, transportation, or shelter. Even young kids catch on real fast when life is easier with the devil than the deep blue sea.
Same thing if "they have a what happens at daycare stays at daycare attitude". Your child should be excited to tell you about their day if you actually give them your undivided attention to listen. This does not mean on the ride home or to daycare. It may be hard to understand everything they tell you but a good daycare provider has and agenda and communicates with parents about what kind of day their child has had. You might not want to interact but if you don't you may find them taking the resentment out on your child. Don't pick a day care that the only outlet that person has is the children or the daycare parents.
Lot depends on if you pay your child care provider well.
Many Daycares are subsidized for poorer parents but you want to have the attitude and the cash to pay a fair wage and occasionally do something nice for your child care provider. If you don't you can bet your kid is feeling the pinch. Ask when your day care provider plans to be on vacation and plan to at least pay partially to keep your spot. Also remember your provider is not your buddy and do not abuse them trying to make them your new best friend or counselor when they want to be off duty.
Do your homework and continue to verify.
This means you drop in unannounced no matter how long you have used them for daycare or known them. Follow up on line once in a while. Google search anyone you leave your kids with. Look for alternative screen names. Some people are completely different on different sites. AVOID like the plague any one who runs their mouth about their kids or other daycare kids/parents on line because your family is next. Check how much someone is on the computer. They are not watching anybodies kids if they are pecking a computer 24/7.
Some of the best daycare providers eventually burn out or can have bad spells. If they get sick or injured you nay want to find someone new. If you find out they never go to a doctor or even get vaccinations and annual physicals you are headed for trouble. At the very least be vigilant for "working under the influence". If they are grabbing the wine cooler as you walk out the door I guarantee you they are drinking or pilling up earlier in the day. If they hit the bars on the weekend you can bet your kid is going to have a "Blue Monday" and maybe even a "early TGIF".
What kind of parenting/child care skills has this person demonstrated?
I am appalled at the number of people who will hand their kids over to totally inexperienced or clearly failed parents or family members.
And inexperienced childless child care provider should have a license and at least taken some kind of childcare and first aid if they want to care for children. Classes can not teach the common sense or experience. And I would be particularly careful of heavily ecumenical based child care because they may be following your faith or their own. No child should have to constantly hear about the "sins" of mankind or even single parents.
And just because the provider has finally seen the light and want another crack at the privilege of child care doesn't mean they are going to meet your child's needs or be able to deal with and emergency. If someone has to babysit to supplement their income because they have a deadbeat adult "relative" in their home your kid is just a paycheck.
And never kid yourself that a spouse/child that abuses a daycare giver will not abuse your child because they will. Even if it means abusing the daycare provider to terrorize your child into submission. Tell tale signs of domestic violence are easy to look up and you should know them and exit the situation.
Don't know that much about a person?
Find the nosy neighbor (there is one in every neighborhood) and let them bend your ear. Ask questions about the providers health and general stability in the area. Did they buy or did they mooch off a parent and never stand up and show responsibility. Who runs in and out? You want to know their records too. Have the police or fire department ever been around? Will the Avon lady take orders from this person? Sis this Mom participate in PTA or scouting when her kids were of the age? Does this person have a high school diploma or at least a GED? Can they speak enough English to communicate in and emergency? I realize this is a World wide site so substitute the primary language of Professionals in your community.
Check on line? There is a wealth of information available; especially on people who have "records". Ask the school district or church. Ask the local real estate broker about the property? Has it ever been in foreclosure. What are the local demographics? Ask the local school counselor if she would have this person babysit her kids. They may be bound by confidentiality but they are not gong to be a referral for a problem daycare.
Ask for references and then check and see if they are related. Even good daycare have to fire bad parents but if the day care has a chronic changing population something is wrong.
Look at the environment?
Is it kid friendly and safe. Do they have a fire extinguisher and a safe room in bad weather? They should have a phone and a basic first aid kit. A fence can be scaled by a two year old in two minutes what is beyond the fence? A hateful yapping or menacing dog, liquor store, four lane street? Are your kids going to be fighting the operators kids for their toys or a place to nap? Where are the valuables and medications kept? Do they smoke or have beer stacked in the corner? Do they have a clean bathroom and changing station? Do they keep a gun or exotic pets in the house? Are family bets obviously well cared for and have a place to escape from kids when they don't want to be bothered? Are they licensed and seem in good health? Have a separate feeding area? Is it a one person operation? What happens if one kid gets hurt or sick? Do they drive a safe vehicle and is there appropriate seats for your child? Are they insured? It is much safer if your child goes to the hospital in and ambulance than having a panicked daycare provider drive them. Give them ONLY a Limited Power of Attorney for emergency treatment and make yourself available to emergency staff. Know where the most likely hospital they will be taken to and visit there in a non stressed time so you can know where you are going. If you have a special needs child or even if you don't you can make their records available to the facility without making them available to the Daycare provider.
These are just the high points but the most important thing is trust your gut. If you feel uneasy, and you just don't know why; even if everything looks good just trust your instinct and find some other way to deal. Parents love their kids and often it is the things you can't see and don't exactly know how to label that are your first clue that something is just not right. Listen to your instincts and you will be happier/safer and so will your kids.
