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Topic: I definately need some advice

Lpdon

Wed 05/18/16 05:31 PM

becoming a parent can change someone if he wants to rise to the challenge

Have you seen most kids today? They cant even rise out of bed let along for a challenge.

Lpdon

Wed 05/18/16 05:33 PM

It is going to happen.
You can choose right now whether to handle
it gracefully..or otherwise.

I heard in the first three months it's very easy to lose a baby. I am going to be praying every day for that.

Have you considered what losing a child in that way might do to your daughter emotionally?

Nope, but she would get over it.

Suck it up....quit punching walls and hoping for spontaneous abortions. You're gonna be a grandpa....start acting like it.

I lost my daughter at 3. I'd give my left nut for her to be here and give me a grandbaby one day.

am sorry about your loss. I'd give my left nut for her to get her law degree and be able to actually take care of a child and be able to provide. It doesn't help that she is out of state so if she needs help I am hours away, even on a flight.

SitkaRains

Wed 05/18/16 05:46 PM

My 18)she will be 19 in July) daughter just told me she is pregnant. She told me over the phone luckily she wasn't here to see me punch a wall.

I don't know how to react at all. She had everything going for her, National Honor Society, scholarship to law school and now she said she doesn't want that she want's a certification in business management and Photography.

She is pretty guarded about the guy and wont tell me much, and honestly I want to rip him apart.

I made it sound lie I was happy for her on the phone but I am pretty upset, disappointed, livid and feel like it is my fault (there is a history there).

She's throwing her whole life away and there is nothing I can do.

I have never felt so helpless in my life.

Ok grandpa time for some real life reality here..

1. You may feel that your life got screwed up by having her at a young age. I disagree... I had my children starting at 17 and ending at 23. Not one time did I ever feel that they screwed up my life. Not once!!! I went on and achieved 3 college degrees in the fields I wanted.

2. You have a serious choice here to make.. Ask yourself, Do you love your Daughter??? Beyond the dreams you had for her but her for herself???

3. You need to realize what our dreams for our children are just that "our" dreams not theirs...

4. Can you love her enough to let her fly and be there when and if she falls. I hope so because that is what a parent is about a this stage in the game.

5. You have some hard choices to make and wishing for her to loose the child isn't one of them. I can tell you I have lost children and even if you never see them breath or hold them you love them. That void doesn't go away ever. A mother's love can't be defined nor explained but we love from the moment we know way before a doctor tells us we are having a child. We know.. and we become loving and dreaming of that child.

6. Before you make the biggest mistake of "your life and drive your child away.. Remember the love you have for her.

7. You need to realize he didn't make your daughter pregnant all by himself she was involved quite willingly from the sounds of it.

She isn't going to live the life you envisioned for her, Dad, sorry not going to happen now she is living her life her way.

You have a choice to love your daughter and your grandchild and be in their lives because if this guy isn't a stand up guy she is going to need you and so is your grandchild.

I think for myself the hardest thing I have had to do is love my children enough to let then fly.
Best wishes and yes it is okay to be pisst hopefully you got it out of your system.

Annierooroo

Wed 05/18/16 05:53 PM

After loosing a child to a miscarriage I would not want anyone to go through the same thing and no you don't get over it. That child is a part of you and will always be.

Where's the love, mercy, compassion and the rest of the fruit of the Spirit?

If you were right in front of me I would be giving you the Jesus talk.

Sher_Tenn

Thu 05/19/16 12:36 AM

I checked your profile.. and the first thing you mention is your daughter.. So I'm predicting once you get over the shock, you;ll be there for her..

We can assume from the law school scholarship that she has brains..
but that doesn't make her *emotionally* mature.. so she may be
even more in need of your support.. There are a lot of reasons girls get pregnant.. not all of them make a lot of sense..

I don't hear anything about Mom in all this.. what is her reaction to all this..?

One thing.. at 18 she is legally an adult.. so think of the possibility of her choosing to live with you.. The thing there is.. do NOT
making rules for her if that happens.. she is no longer your little girl.. she is a woman in need of support.. and a friend.

As for the chithead.. I'd see about getting him to sign away parental rights.. just saying that could prevent a lot of problems down the road.

Good luck, bud..

dolphin0925

Thu 05/19/16 02:10 AM

As a parent, your reaction is understandably normal......Angry, frustrated, disappointed, worried and protective. Let it out but not in a violent way. Talk to your daughter and the guy sensibly, for this is the time that they need your love, support and understanding. This is an accident and both of them surely didn't want this to happen....but what done is done, they have to learn to face the consequence of their action and all you could do for now is to be there for them and direct or guide them. Make them understand the responsibilities they will be facing in having a child at an early age. Discuss what their plans are, and if you think you are not agreeable to their decisions, explain and make them understand. If you are a conservative type , I am sure you want them to get married but then I would say marriage is not a solution to one mistake, but if you think both of them have the courage to face responsibility then marriage is just the right thing. Let them learn from their own mistake to grow and develop. Pregnancy is not a hindrance to finish her schooling and achieve her dreams in life. She could still continue to fulfill what you wanted and dreamed for her.

Don't blame yourself , it is not your fault this happened to your daughter. They are both adults, and have a mind of their own and a decision to choose what is right or wrong. I am sure you have done your duties as a parent :smile:

May the birth of a little angel be a blessing to your family :smile:

I am the conservative type, if you have seen my posts in the political section but I damn sure don't think someone should jump the gun on marriage because of a kid. If they are in love we will have that discussion if the guy is still breathing after my come to Jesus talk with him laugh

I believe you love your daughter and you only want what's best for her, but then it is not going to be your decision to make but theirs. Marriage or no marriage, as a parent it is still your responsibilty to give them enlightenment by sitting together and have a good talk with them. Support your daughter for every decisions she's going to make.Don't be harsh on the guy, lol, let him breath, remember it's not his fault only, your daughter is involved too by willingly letting things happen between her and the guy.

Goodluck to you :smile:

Trust your daughter that she will not screw up her life. Pregnancy is not the end of the world but could be a start of building her dreams for her future family :smile:

Keep calm

Maya2016x

Thu 05/19/16 06:24 AM

Support her. she may still achieve great things in time and be a wonderful mum, with a loving and supportive dad.

Maybe have a honest conversation in time to express how you felt initially. Clear the air and you can begin to move on from your disappointment.

I think support as well as open and honest communication is important.

RustyKitty

Fri 05/20/16 05:33 AM

to me, it sounds like you are trying to re-live your life decisions through your daughter...
be a good dad... be supportive!
yea,... where is mom in this scenario?

PacificStar48

Fri 05/20/16 10:18 PM

If you want to hurt your daughter for not living your life dream for her she is smart enough to see how dysfunctional that is and how that resentment will harm her child if you don't wake up and smell the coffee that SHE made and independent choice and like it or not you have to live with it.

If she is all that to get a scholarship the fact that she is pregnant , it is not a disability and colleges have day care may be little more than a blip on her agenda.

You don't like that she is in this situation far from your assistance what is nailing your feet to the floor that you could not make a move? And why would a normal healthy honor student really need a Dad to do but celebrate her happiness.

Wishing your daughter has to suffer a miscarriage that could maybe cost her her life, or ability to have another child, and dramatically affect her mental health is one of the most selfish things I have ever heard. Being flippant about "she will get over it' shows how little you understand about how a loss of a wanted pregnancy, come on and honor student this was no accident it was a choice, is going to hurt her. And to know you wished such a cruelty on her could make her hate you for life to one degree or another.

How do you think she is going to feel when what you have put out there for the whole world to see and someday your grand- daughter to see? I do not envy being in your future shoes.

Do you have to be happy that she is pregnant before marriage or graduation if that is not in accordance with your values? No but evidently it really wasn't her values. But in all honestly if you are not celibate as an adult do you really get to dictate that she is? Did you pick when you had sex to create her? I doubt any one raped you. And I seriously doubt if you could turn back the clock and not have her and all the blessings she brought in your life you would. GET A GRIP At least you are BLESSED she can have children.

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