Mingle2 apple store icon
Try Mingle2 app for better experience
Community Recent My Topics
Duttoneer's photo

Duttoneer

Mon 01/08/18 06:32 AM


Today is Divorce Day, the largest number of divorce enquiries in the UK happens today 8th January, each year, and according to the TV news, the latest available figures show the following from the ONS. (Office of National Statistics)

106,000 divorces took place in 2016. = 5.6% of all heterosexual married couples living in UK.

Money/financial pressures are given as the main cause of divorce.

43% of marriages now end in divorce, with the average length of a marriage only 12 years.

Since it continues to increase and there is now nearly a 50/50 chance that a marriage will fail, will marriage survive or decline in future years? What are your thoughts?
msharmony's photo

msharmony

Mon 01/08/18 07:29 AM



Today is Divorce Day, the largest number of divorce enquiries in the UK happens today 8th January, each year, and according to the TV news, the latest available figures show the following from the ONS. (Office of National Statistics)

106,000 divorces took place in 2016. = 5.6% of all heterosexual married couples living in UK.

Money/financial pressures are given as the main cause of divorce.

43% of marriages now end in divorce, with the average length of a marriage only 12 years.

Since it continues to increase and there is now nearly a 50/50 chance that a marriage will fail, will marriage survive or decline in future years? What are your thoughts?




the more self serving and self centered the culture becomes, and the more that faith in anything beyond science and technology(man) is belittled and erased from sight, the more it will decline.
Edited by msharmony on Mon 01/08/18 07:30 AM
Duttoneer's photo

Duttoneer

Tue 01/09/18 06:26 AM


Thanks for your comments. I tend to agree with you for the reasons you mention, marriage will decline in the future, but I think it will survive. If only because people today are still marrying knowing that the chances of a successful marriage is little more than 50%, which seems to show a lot of optimism.
no photo

Unknow

Tue 01/09/18 04:09 PM

Those are some discouraging statistics Duttoneer but I agree with you that although marriage will be on the decline, it will survive in the future.

Whether its through genuine conviction or years of societal brainwashing, I think a large part of the population continues to view marriage as the ultimate symbol of commitment and base for family building.

And I also think that there is something in human nature that inclines us to believe that the worst will never happen to us regardless of all the victims who went before, which might explain why impirical records are often dismissed in the navigating of personal decisions.
no photo

ciretom

Tue 01/09/18 09:13 PM

Since it continues to increase and there is now nearly a 50/50 chance that a marriage will fail, will marriage survive or decline in future years? What are your thoughts?

"Marriage" will always be around.
Depending on how you define it.

If you're referring to the ritual performed by ceremony, and expectations of lifelong commitment, fidelity, and happiness, it's not going to survive. Simply because Disney and your grandparents lied to you.

If you're referring to the pair bonding mating process that leads to children, engendering deep "love" bonds that only last for about 4-7 years, (just long enough to stick together for the sake of raising a kid to the point that it/they can run from lions and not be murdered as an annoying parasite by the community or by the parents), then "marriage" will survive closer to its natural state rather than living up to idealized notions based on historic cultural training.

Historic cultural training based on small communities of people where the vast majority did not have freedom of mobility and life expectancy was nowhere near what it is today.

Much easier to promise and fulfill "til death do us part" when half your life is already over, no such thing as birth control, there's a significant risk of death with every childbirth, your life is where you grew up and you'll never see anything more than what (and whom) you already know.

Those are some discouraging statistics

IMO they can kinda be seen as encouraging.
Seems like people are less willing to try and live up to idealized notions handed down by their parents that just don't work and aren't based on reality.
IMO short (4-7 or so year) marriages that lead to children are a success and true indicators of "love."
Even those that last less than 5 years, but don't lead to children, are a greater indicator of "love."

Those "marriages" that last 60 years and the people say "oh they were my soul mate! We've loved each other this whole time and no one else, every day was happiness because we were together!" are a bunch of BS, full of lies and problems they just want to hide from people. Delusional at best.
Duttoneer's photo

Duttoneer

Wed 01/10/18 01:28 AM


Those are some discouraging statistics Duttoneer but I agree with you that although marriage will be on the decline, it will survive in the future.

Whether its through genuine conviction or years of societal brainwashing, I think a large part of the population continues to view marriage as the ultimate symbol of commitment and base for family building.

And I also think that there is something in human nature that inclines us to believe that the worst will never happen to us regardless of all the victims who went before, which might explain why impirical records are often dismissed in the navigating of personal decisions.


I think you are right, it is that ultimate level of commitment as taken in the marriage vows that will also cause marriage to survive. We all believe that we will succeed where others have failed. Another sad statistic for those of us that are divorced is the chances of a successful second marriage are even less.sad2
Edited by Duttoneer on Wed 01/10/18 01:29 AM
no photo

Unknow

Wed 01/10/18 01:47 AM



Those are some discouraging statistics Duttoneer but I agree with you that although marriage will be on the decline, it will survive in the future.

Whether its through genuine conviction or years of societal brainwashing, I think a large part of the population continues to view marriage as the ultimate symbol of commitment and base for family building.

And I also think that there is something in human nature that inclines us to believe that the worst will never happen to us regardless of all the victims who went before, which might explain why impirical records are often dismissed in the navigating of personal decisions.


I think you are right, it is that ultimate level of commitment as taken in the marriage vows that will also cause marriage to survive. We all believe that we will succeed where others have failed. Another sad statistic for those of us that are divorced is the chances of a successful second marriage are even less.sad2


I think I heard that statistic before and it is indeed very discouraging. :(

How I look at it is that I have little control over someoneone else in any context but especially in the context of a relationship or marriage.

All I can do is focus on and work on being the best person and partner I can be, and hope for the best . The rest is out of my hands
no photo

Unknow

Wed 01/10/18 01:47 AM



Those are some discouraging statistics Duttoneer but I agree with you that although marriage will be on the decline, it will survive in the future.

Whether its through genuine conviction or years of societal brainwashing, I think a large part of the population continues to view marriage as the ultimate symbol of commitment and base for family building.

And I also think that there is something in human nature that inclines us to believe that the worst will never happen to us regardless of all the victims who went before, which might explain why impirical records are often dismissed in the navigating of personal decisions.


I think you are right, it is that ultimate level of commitment as taken in the marriage vows that will also cause marriage to survive. We all believe that we will succeed where others have failed. Another sad statistic for those of us that are divorced is the chances of a successful second marriage are even less.sad2


I think I heard that statistic before and it is indeed very discouraging. :(

How I look at it is that I have little control over someone else in any context but especially in the context of a relationship or marriage.

Part of my life journey is learning to find most of my hapoiness and fulfilment in myself rather than placing that burden on a partner or someone else.

All I can do is focus on and work on being the best person and partner I can be, and hope for the best . The rest is out of my hands.
Edited by Unknow on Wed 01/10/18 01:52 AM
Duttoneer's photo

Duttoneer

Wed 01/10/18 02:00 AM


Since it continues to increase and there is now nearly a 50/50 chance that a marriage will fail, will marriage survive or decline in future years? What are your thoughts?

"Marriage" will always be around.
Depending on how you define it.

If you're referring to the ritual performed by ceremony, and expectations of lifelong commitment, fidelity, and happiness, it's not going to survive. Simply because Disney and your grandparents lied to you.

If you're referring to the pair bonding mating process that leads to children, engendering deep "love" bonds that only last for about 4-7 years, (just long enough to stick together for the sake of raising a kid to the point that it/they can run from lions and not be murdered as an annoying parasite by the community or by the parents), then "marriage" will survive closer to its natural state rather than living up to idealized notions based on historic cultural training.

Historic cultural training based on small communities of people where the vast majority did not have freedom of mobility and life expectancy was nowhere near what it is today.

Much easier to promise and fulfill "til death do us part" when half your life is already over, no such thing as birth control, there's a significant risk of death with every childbirth, your life is where you grew up and you'll never see anything more than what (and whom) you already know.

Those are some discouraging statistics

IMO they can kinda be seen as encouraging.
Seems like people are less willing to try and live up to idealized notions handed down by their parents that just don't work and aren't based on reality.
IMO short (4-7 or so year) marriages that lead to children are a success and true indicators of "love."
Even those that last less than 5 years, but don't lead to children, are a greater indicator of "love."

Those "marriages" that last 60 years and the people say "oh they were my soul mate! We've loved each other this whole time and no one else, every day was happiness because we were together!" are a bunch of BS, full of lies and problems they just want to hide from people. Delusional at best.



There are many people, even the authorities, that define some partnerships as 'Common Law', " she is your wife by common law", and not through legal marriage ceremony, which only requires 6 months of cohabitation here in the UK. So you are right marriage will, can and in fact does already take different forms for different reasons, but by far the majority of people marry through ceremony by making a life long commitment. I believe that present ceremonial marriage will survive although the numbers will probably decline through many reasons, and the many you have mentioned.
Duttoneer's photo

Duttoneer

Wed 01/10/18 02:13 AM




Those are some discouraging statistics Duttoneer but I agree with you that although marriage will be on the decline, it will survive in the future.

Whether its through genuine conviction or years of societal brainwashing, I think a large part of the population continues to view marriage as the ultimate symbol of commitment and base for family building.

And I also think that there is something in human nature that inclines us to believe that the worst will never happen to us regardless of all the victims who went before, which might explain why impirical records are often dismissed in the navigating of personal decisions.


I think you are right, it is that ultimate level of commitment as taken in the marriage vows that will also cause marriage to survive. We all believe that we will succeed where others have failed. Another sad statistic for those of us that are divorced is the chances of a successful second marriage are even less.sad2


I think I heard that statistic before and it is indeed very discouraging. :(

How I look at it is that I have little control over someone else in any context but especially in the context of a relationship or marriage.

Part of my life journey is learning to find most of my hapoiness and fulfilment in myself rather than placing that burden on a partner or someone else.

All I can do is focus on and work on being the best person and partner I can be, and hope for the best . The rest is out of my hands.



A long courtship enables you to learn more about a potential partner, but it's knowing how long the courtship should be that is difficult.(They might escape! laugh)
no photo

chris2460

Wed 01/10/18 04:11 AM




Those are some discouraging statistics Duttoneer but I agree with you that although marriage will be on the decline, it will survive in the future.

Whether its through genuine conviction or years of societal brainwashing, I think a large part of the population continues to view marriage as the ultimate symbol of commitment and base for family building.

And I also think that there is something in human nature that inclines us to believe that the worst will never happen to us regardless of all the victims who went before, which might explain why impirical records are often dismissed in the navigating of personal decisions.


I think you are right, it is that ultimate level of commitment as taken in the marriage vows that will also cause marriage to survive. We all believe that we will succeed where others have failed. Another sad statistic for those of us that are divorced is the chances of a successful second marriage are even less.sad2



I think I heard that statistic before and it is indeed very discouraging. :(

How I look at it is that I have little control over someone else in any context but especially in the context of a relationship or marriage.

Part of my life journey is learning to find most of my hapoiness and fulfilment in myself rather than placing that burden on a partner or someone else.

All I can do is focus on and work on being the best person and partner I can be, and hope for the best . The rest is out of my hands.



I like your attitude Peggy - I wish more people thought that way.
drinker
no photo

Unknow

Wed 01/10/18 01:12 PM





Those are some discouraging statistics Duttoneer but I agree with you that although marriage will be on the decline, it will survive in the future.

Whether its through genuine conviction or years of societal brainwashing, I think a large part of the population continues to view marriage as the ultimate symbol of commitment and base for family building.

And I also think that there is something in human nature that inclines us to believe that the worst will never happen to us regardless of all the victims who went before, which might explain why impirical records are often dismissed in the navigating of personal decisions.


I think you are right, it is that ultimate level of commitment as taken in the marriage vows that will also cause marriage to survive. We all believe that we will succeed where others have failed. Another sad statistic for those of us that are divorced is the chances of a successful second marriage are even less.sad2



I think I heard that statistic before and it is indeed very discouraging. :(

How I look at it is that I have little control over someone else in any context but especially in the context of a relationship or marriage.

Part of my life journey is learning to find most of my hapoiness and fulfilment in myself rather than placing that burden on a partner or someone else.

All I can do is focus on and work on being the best person and partner I can be, and hope for the best . The rest is out of my hands.



I like your attitude Peggy - I wish more people thought that way.
drinker


Thanks chris. Its much easier said than done though. I still struggle with it ohwell
no photo

Unknow

Wed 01/10/18 01:33 PM





Those are some discouraging statistics Duttoneer but I agree with you that although marriage will be on the decline, it will survive in the future.

Whether its through genuine conviction or years of societal brainwashing, I think a large part of the population continues to view marriage as the ultimate symbol of commitment and base for family building.

And I also think that there is something in human nature that inclines us to believe that the worst will never happen to us regardless of all the victims who went before, which might explain why impirical records are often dismissed in the navigating of personal decisions.


I think you are right, it is that ultimate level of commitment as taken in the marriage vows that will also cause marriage to survive. We all believe that we will succeed where others have failed. Another sad statistic for those of us that are divorced is the chances of a successful second marriage are even less.sad2


I think I heard that statistic before and it is indeed very discouraging. :(

How I look at it is that I have little control over someone else in any context but especially in the context of a relationship or marriage.

Part of my life journey is learning to find most of my hapoiness and fulfilment in myself rather than placing that burden on a partner or someone else.

All I can do is focus on and work on being the best person and partner I can be, and hope for the best . The rest is out of my hands.



A long courtship enables you to learn more about a potential partner, but it's knowing how long the courtship should be that is difficult.(They might escape! laugh)







Even if you court for 10 years, you still cant predict who your partner will evolve into 10 years after marriage. And you dont know if your tolerance level for each other's flaws will wane to nothingness 20 years down the line. Nor do you know if your needs or theirs will change over time and if both parties are capable of rising to meet that challenge.

With all those questionmarks looming in tbe future Duttoneer, don't you think that your choice of mate boils down to the person /love you deem worthy of taking a risk for rather than how long you court?
no photo

greeneyes148

Wed 01/10/18 04:08 PM



Today is Divorce Day, the largest number of divorce enquiries in the UK happens today 8th January, each year, and according to the TV news, the latest available figures show the following from the ONS. (Office of National Statistics)

106,000 divorces took place in 2016. = 5.6% of all heterosexual married couples living in UK.

Money/financial pressures are given as the main cause of divorce.

43% of marriages now end in divorce, with the average length of a marriage only 12 years.

Since it continues to increase and there is now nearly a 50/50 chance that a marriage will fail, will marriage survive or decline in future years? What are your thoughts?



Yes, and this is followed by Feb 10th.. " getting reamed by the lawyers day"

I hate the winter
no photo

chris2460

Thu 01/11/18 01:13 AM






Those are some discouraging statistics Duttoneer but I agree with you that although marriage will be on the decline, it will survive in the future.

Whether its through genuine conviction or years of societal brainwashing, I think a large part of the population continues to view marriage as the ultimate symbol of commitment and base for family building.

And I also think that there is something in human nature that inclines us to believe that the worst will never happen to us regardless of all the victims who went before, which might explain why impirical records are often dismissed in the navigating of personal decisions.


I think you are right, it is that ultimate level of commitment as taken in the marriage vows that will also cause marriage to survive. We all believe that we will succeed where others have failed. Another sad statistic for those of us that are divorced is the chances of a successful second marriage are even less.sad2



I think I heard that statistic before and it is indeed very discouraging. :(

How I look at it is that I have little control over someone else in any context but especially in the context of a relationship or marriage.

Part of my life journey is learning to find most of my hapoiness and fulfilment in myself rather than placing that burden on a partner or someone else.

All I can do is focus on and work on being the best person and partner I can be, and hope for the best . The rest is out of my hands.



I like your attitude Peggy - I wish more people thought that way.
drinker


Thanks chris. Its much easier said than done though. I still struggle with it ohwell


That's ok Peggy - we all do! ohwell
Duttoneer's photo

Duttoneer

Thu 01/11/18 01:45 AM






Those are some discouraging statistics Duttoneer but I agree with you that although marriage will be on the decline, it will survive in the future.

Whether its through genuine conviction or years of societal brainwashing, I think a large part of the population continues to view marriage as the ultimate symbol of commitment and base for family building.

And I also think that there is something in human nature that inclines us to believe that the worst will never happen to us regardless of all the victims who went before, which might explain why impirical records are often dismissed in the navigating of personal decisions.


I think you are right, it is that ultimate level of commitment as taken in the marriage vows that will also cause marriage to survive. We all believe that we will succeed where others have failed. Another sad statistic for those of us that are divorced is the chances of a successful second marriage are even less.sad2


I think I heard that statistic before and it is indeed very discouraging. :(

How I look at it is that I have little control over someone else in any context but especially in the context of a relationship or marriage.

Part of my life journey is learning to find most of my hapoiness and fulfilment in myself rather than placing that burden on a partner or someone else.

All I can do is focus on and work on being the best person and partner I can be, and hope for the best . The rest is out of my hands.



A long courtship enables you to learn more about a potential partner, but it's knowing how long the courtship should be that is difficult.(They might escape! laugh)







Even if you court for 10 years, you still cant predict who your partner will evolve into 10 years after marriage. And you dont know if your tolerance level for each other's flaws will wane to nothingness 20 years down the line. Nor do you know if your needs or theirs will change over time and if both parties are capable of rising to meet that challenge.

With all those questionmarks looming in tbe future Duttoneer, don't you think that your choice of mate boils down to the person /love you deem worthy of taking a risk for rather than how long you court?


There is an old proverb, 'Marry in haste, repent at leisure' which I believe holds some truth.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1311263/Proved-Those-marry-haste-DO-repent-leisure.html

No one has a crystal ball, and knows what may happen in the future, you only know the present relationship between you and your prospective partner. What of the future, I think this where the love bit comes in to play, if you truly love someone it doesn't stop after 5, 10 ,15 ,... years in my opinion it lasts forever, unless they hurt you so very badly or walk out the door, and no one can predict that. You do need time to court, certainly not 10 years, but the more you learn about each other the better, the good and bad habits, have a long holiday or road trip together, depending on how often you see each other I would say this would take at least 12 months in courtship. One interesting comment I did read in the internet article referenced above which I believe is true, those that become 'best of friends' first, have the best chance of a successful marriage, and that just doesn't happen in a month or two.
no photo

nailcap

Mon 01/15/18 08:53 AM

it is not the excuse for divorce.....but the truth within current world's true needs that hiding behind the relationship. people always having the far see before they've doing something and do believe that is their true deserve but never think other wise. oh man~~~~~I've seen this kind of fact too much......so just treat your self as normal.....and yea every thing is normal~~~~since the financial rule~~~~~~~why? hell know why....but there are one thing i can considering is.....people like to Mow also roll....then roll what? for the 大 or 小？

drinker
no photo

Toodygirl5

Wed 01/24/18 01:28 PM



Today is Divorce Day, the largest number of divorce enquiries in the UK happens today 8th January, each year, and according to the TV news, the latest available figures show the following from the ONS. (Office of National Statistics)

106,000 divorces took place in 2016. = 5.6% of all heterosexual married couples living in UK.

Money/financial pressures are given as the main cause of divorce.

43% of marriages now end in divorce, with the average length of a marriage only 12 years.

Since it continues to increase and there is now nearly a 50/50 chance that a marriage will fail, will marriage survive or decline in future years? What are your thoughts?




Marriages will continue because many believe in getting married!

No matter if the divorce rate is 60%+

Marriages mostly end because of money issues, physical abuse and desertion!
Duttoneer's photo

Duttoneer

Fri 01/26/18 12:33 AM




Today is Divorce Day, the largest number of divorce enquiries in the UK happens today 8th January, each year, and according to the TV news, the latest available figures show the following from the ONS. (Office of National Statistics)

106,000 divorces took place in 2016. = 5.6% of all heterosexual married couples living in UK.

Money/financial pressures are given as the main cause of divorce.

43% of marriages now end in divorce, with the average length of a marriage only 12 years.

Since it continues to increase and there is now nearly a 50/50 chance that a marriage will fail, will marriage survive or decline in future years? What are your thoughts?




Marriages will continue because many believe in getting married!

No matter if the divorce rate is 60%+

Marriages mostly end because of money issues, physical abuse and desertion!


Thanks for the comments, and I agree with you, marriage will continue because there will always be those whom want to marry for many reasons, such as the level of commitment they want in a partnership, their religious belief, and many more.
mysticalview21's photo

mysticalview21

Sun 01/28/18 02:28 AM



Today is Divorce Day, the largest number of divorce enquiries in the UK happens today 8th January, each year, and according to the TV news, the latest available figures show the following from the ONS. (Office of National Statistics)

106,000 divorces took place in 2016. = 5.6% of all heterosexual married couples living in UK.

Money/financial pressures are given as the main cause of divorce.

43% of marriages now end in divorce, with the average length of a marriage only 12 years.

Since it continues to increase and there is now nearly a 50/50 chance that a marriage will fail, will marriage survive or decline in future years? What are your thoughts?





I believe some marriages stay together here ... becouse divorce can be very costly ... I was married close to thirty yrs ... we had money issues with a whole lot of other issues to ... just can't blame all on the $... least with mine ...
Edited by mysticalview21 on Sun 01/28/18 02:29 AM