Im a singlemom of a five year old boy..been working overseas for like 4 yrs and now I took an off just thinking to find happiness for my own,but theres always part of me thinkin about my family..what to do..i wanna be happy too but i cant just set aside them..

Not exactly understanding your situation but hopefully your 5 year old has been overseas with you. As for the rest of your "family" why can't you live your own life AND think about your family once in awhile?

My ex couldnt live away from her family. in the end, she chose her family over me.

It sounds like you will have a hard time living away from them. It's easier for others but it appears you will have a hard time with it.

I joined the military and moved away from hometown early in life.
In the States, I've lived in a few different regions while at duty stations.
I'm from Pennsylvania, My X was from Upstate New York. We tried living in PA and NY when the kids were young but not only were the jobs poorly paid the entire North East of the country felt "Stuffy" compared to the other places I had lived.
We finally settled in Missouri, which offered good pay, lots of family adventure and easy living.
Being 800 to 1200 miles away from family was hard to adjust to, especially during those times when we could have used some family support but not having an easy fix caused us to have to be resourceful and strong on our own.
After the kids were grown and out on their own and the X and I parted ways I tried to go back "home" to family in PA. Its true you can never really go home again. It was awful.
I ended up moving to Mississippi because of my health and the weather.
I was stationed in Gulfport in the early 80s. I already knew the area and liked the simple lifestyle and low cost of living. I'm still here.
I went from extreme family orientation to loner status.
Visits from my children's families are very special to me but don't happen much.

It all depends on how independent you are and whether you or your family have a need to be in direct influence of each other. My daughter and S-I-L tried to live here for about a year, they were doing very well but he needed to be near his family so they moved back to Missouri. Now, he's miserable, he also complains about his family all up in his business.

Dunno if you reply was directed at me or not?
Fortunately my children were not born with handicaps.
I understand your position.

It is understandable that you are strongly family oriented due to the challenges you face.
I've known some very caring people that deal with similar challenges.
I was never had to deal with such things.

When we are faced with such challenges it creates a distorted sense of family but love is very strong. It is commendable.
There is a factor that is often overlooked.
Would you feel the same commitment if the child required no special care?
I'm not minimizing your commitment but I often wonder if my children were born with such a challenge, could I find that love and commitment?

Since I was not forced to such an extreme, I don't really know for sure.
Would it break me or make my love stronger?
I like to think that I would be stronger for the sake of those I love but I have no experience to draw such conclusions.

I know those that I have met that do manage to cope are strong in their love, not just for their children but for all people.
I learn much from them.
I learn who I want to be.
It causes me to examine the life I lived and how utterly fortunate I have been.

I have utmost respect for you, may you find strength and resolve in the fact that I can imagine what you are enduring.

ive been open with them..my mom even told me before if i found someone and wnts to libe my own ofcourse i can she said..i was 26 wen i had my son..and since then i learned to worked hard just to support my son..its so hard to see my son growing up without me..he knew me as his mom but we are not that really close..but im thankful he grew up well with my family..

"i hope it wont happen cos i know they love me and im sure they knew i deserve to be happy too..i was just hoping i will find someone (if i will lol). who will accept me and my family esp my son

Something to consider while making your decisions:

what you are doing here, with your question as asked, is using a VERY VAGUE CONCEPT ("family oriented"), to hide from yourself, the fact that you are making very SPECIFIC choices about what you do with yourself, which do have natural and inescapable consequences.

By framing this as a GENERAL idea about what A person "should" do, according to some societal opinion, you are avoiding taking personal responsibility for what you are exactly doing.

I'm not at all saying what it is that you SHOULD do, according to my, or anyone elses standards. Just encouraging you to face up to what you are actually choosing, so that when the normal consequences of your choice come to fruition later, you will not be too unpleasantly surprised.

It might well be much better and more fun for your child to grow up with your mother, and not with you. But you will not be seen BY your child, as being your "real" mother in many ways, because of this.