So far I have dated 3 different men you claimed to be available and in the end Imfound out that was not the case. It becomes hard to trust anyone.
Then you kinda need to date more.
Not sure if you're solely using the internet, but most dating sites are becoming like local bars full of bar fly's.
With a large population of people just nomading it to the next new app/website to avoid the reputations and habits they established on the old ones, or to just add the new app/site among the many they participate.
You dated 3 different men who turned out bad.
I've online dated dozens of women who were pretty much the same.
"Oh, my profile said I had no kids? Yeahhhh...I got 4."
"Oh, my profile says single? Yeahhh...I kinda possibly broke up with my ex 2 days ago. Hold on, I'm getting an IM from him now. Uh, gotta go..do..uh..laundry. TTYL."
"Oh, my profile says divorced/single? Yeahhhh...I'm kinda separated. Although my soon to be ex husband still lives in the house, so we can share expenses. Yeah, we still share a bed, we're married, he's my husband? So?"
"Oh. BTW, I live with my ex husband, and my most recent ex also rents a room from us."
"Hey, I'm not pushing away you kissing me due to lack of interest. I just have a boyfriend/husband. Yeah. I just miss the romance and fun of going out. You can still take me out and pay for everything, but we just can't do the physical. You're okay with that, right? You said you were looking for a connection and not just sex! You're just like every other guy, it's all about sex! Rarrr!"
"We've been dating 2 months now, so I told my FWB it's over. Oh, I didn't tell you my 'just friend' was my FWB? Well, now you know I'm serious."
"So what I only call you for sex, late at night? I'm working all the time and my husband(/girlfriend, had a lesbian do this to me once) is always trying to find me....Oh, I didn't tell you I was married? Ooops, yeah, I got tired of the dating stuff, and I was almost caught by a friend with you, so I've kinda only been calling when I could get away. But we have fun, right? Isn't this the type of relationship all guys want?"
"So we've been on a few dates/dating a while. I wanted to ask, how do you feel about open relationships? Like open marriages? ...Oh...you aren't into that? That's cool...BTW, I want you to meet my husband, I think you two would get along..."
But I've also dated dozens of normal, focused, sane, honest women too.
It becomes hard to trust anyone.
Then don't.
Nothing says you have to immediately completely absolutely trust someone because you've decided to date them.
Might as well say "it becomes hard to accept a job" because during the first interview they didn't automatically give you 20 years of training and experience.
Like most things based on the emotional, levels of trust are grown like different types of ivy that intertwine, more than they're given or earned.
I have a hard time understanding why happily married men can cheat and feel no guilt.
Ultimately, it's pretty simple.
Sex, procreation, and family have been separated.
Sex can be seen as purely recreational.
"I'm not emotionally cheating on you by going golfing. Sure I like to get out with the guys, we talk about our lives and wives, therapize, bond, but it's not emotional cheating. It's just hitting some balls, getting some exercise, being among friends, so what if it's everyday! It's just golf! A hobby!"
The whole "yeah, baby, we connect on so many levels, we're both looking for a relationship, we both want the same things, we have so much in common, yadda yadda yadda," the ritual, the game of picking someone up for dating/sex is little different than the TOS agreement you click on when starting a profile on a dating site.
It's become something you have to get through to get to the "good stuff" and fulfill what you want, and is only relevant when it becomes relevant, it doesn't affect future planning.
IMO it's inherent to society anymore.
Did you fill out the census questionnaire?
Do you have one of those saver cards from the grocery store?
Did you sit down, fill it out, make sure your handwriting is neat, make sure the information was accurate, memorize the fine print, send emails or letters or call the corporate office for clarification on exactly what it says and get something in writing according to what they tell you are their intentions with the information you provided to them?
Or did you just start using it and say "yay! A dollar off my doritos!" (or whatever product).
Sex as a recreational, emotionally and physically fulfilling activity is approached the same way, by more and more people if not everyone.
Put themselves in the mental and emotional mindset to perform the ritual that must be performed, do it by rote, get to the good stuff.
Relationships and marriage are not a magic solution of controlling individuals against fulfilling their perceived needs.
If they experience any consequences to any particular method of fulfillment, they seek alternatives to fulfillment. Not for a means of staying unfulfilled.
People can feel no guilt for cheating because they have been trained not to associate guilt with trying to fulfill immediately any perceived need they may have that ultimately leads to their mental, physical, and/or emotional pleasure which induces "happiness."
maybe we could get them to wear signs. then they could find each other easier
