Here's a situation that I've stood by but has led to me walking away from a few of my pasts relationships. I have been told, by friends, that I shouldn't be so hard on the women I am seeing, but I'd like to know what others think about it.
My daughter is first and foremost in my life. I make sure any potential girlfriend knows this up front. My time with my daughter is primarily set at 6 hours a weekend, but her mother has been allowing me to get her more if I ask in advance. I do not let anyone I'm dating to meet my daughter, and I feel I have a valid reason for this. I don't need my daughter getting to know someone one day if they may not be around for very long. The women that are around me when I have my daughter are just friends.
On multiple occasions, I've had girlfriends complain that I don't make an effort to see them but it's because I have my daughter and have plans with her. I feel I'm not wrong in breaking up with them for trying to put themselves ahead of my daughter. However, I've had a few friends tell me to ease off and let it go. Personally, I don't think people should put themselves between a parent and their child unless it's for the safety of the child.

I use my daughter as an excuse when I want to get out of seeing someone on the weekend too.

My daughter is eleven. If I were to date, I would not bring men in and out of her life. I would however trust she understands enough of what dating is, to meet someone with whom a trust and bond had been established. I would make it clear what that relationship was and how often they were around would also depend on where I felt that relationship going.

However, because I do revolve so much of my life around my daughter, I do not
"date" and make it clear to others that I have no room for a significant other. For now, until my daughter is a little older and more interested in her own 'self' time more often, I make it clear that my only interest is developing friendships.

I don't use her as an excuse though.
My daughter is 6, and with the limited time I get to have her, I want to spend quality time with her and not have her dumped onto someone else.
I understand where you're coming from Ms. Harmony, but I don't feel my daughter needs that conversation yet. She'll ask about people that are around, but it's just my family for the time being.

ditto

While I understand that as a parent you have a responsibility to protect your child from 'caustic' people.

From what I've read, are most opposite gender people seen as caustic?
Do you normally 'date' caustic people?
Do you think of the opposite gender as a possession, an evil necessity?

When you do introduce someone to your child is it you parading that person in front of your child or is it you introducing your friend to the child?

Why would you be dating someone that is not your friend?

Are you dating to get laid?
If a woman tried that with me I would feel like a conquest, not someomne that was important to her.
Perhaps these 'dates' are smarter than you think?

Thank you for your response Tom, but I don't feel the opposite gender is caustic.
I've just had previous relationships where they've introduced me to their children and seen the effect it causes on them even after we went our separate ways due to the relationship failing. I don't want to do that now that I've got a child of my own.
My reason for dating isn't to get laid but to find someone that can match my life goals. I've done the partying, and I want to be someone my daughter can look up to and respect. If I do find someone then I would like them to be someone that can be a role model for my daughter who will stick around.
As for you asking why I don't date people that are previously friends, it's because I have a past. It's the reason I originally lost my battle for joint custody. The people I typically date are women that are introduced to me by friends of mine.
I don't feel people are possessions and I don't parade anybody in front of my daughter.

I would have no problem introducing my son to a date. That's only because he is an adult. Now if he was a young child it would be different because he would be #1 in my life and any date would have to accept that. But that was then and now the situation has changed a little. He is still #1 in my life but the priorities are a little different now. His #1 now is his wife and that's the way it should be and I accept that. If I ever got married again he would accept himself slipping to #2.

I think you may have misinterpreted my response.
I fully understand your needs.
Its more of an expected assessment than a practical application.
Even at 6 years old, your daughter understands more about life than you might give her credit for.
Chances are, she know of the situation between you and her mom.
She doesn't like it but she is aware of it.
If you bring happiness to her, she will be happy for you.
Its not about who you bring but more of how you seem with that person and how you interact with her while in the company of that person.
That is what she picks up on.
If you are guarded, she will notice.
If you are hiding something, she might not know what you're hiding but she will sense that you are hiding 'something'.
However, when you are excited about someone, bring her to meet her, it tells her that you value her opinion.
It places the focus on what she wants and how she feels.
See, at 6 years old, the world is not about you, its all about her.
Its all a series of things that affect her.
If she sees her daddy happy and excited about someone, she is going to feel happy and excited.
If she senses you are guarded, hiding something, she is going to feel betrayed that you didn't trust her with something that means a lot to you.
It sets a precedent of trust in your relationship.

Life is full of heartbreak and miscalculations when dealing with others. If you only show your strengths she won't understand weakness.
When I made miscalculations that effected the family, I shared my reasoning and the failures with my children so the could understand that sometimes, we get it wrong.
The lesson is not in the success but in how we handle the failures and what we learn from the experience.

First of all your kids are only little once.. Anyone that thinks they should be first in line when you have your daughter I would dump them myself...

I was divorced when my kids were 7 & 9 years old..

At no time were dates brought in front of my kids until I had dated them for 3 months if they had issues with that they would have been shown the door really fast..

Now once the 3 months was up and I introduced them to my kids if they wanted to be included on some of our adventures then I was more then happy to include them..

Sure there was things that only my kids and I did... but the one I was dating was also included as well...For by the time I started dating most guys at the time had kids of their own.. and understood what it meant to have alone time with your kids if you only have them for a short time..Of course both of mine lived with me...

Where there is a will there is a way.. introduce new dates a little at a time..Reason I had the 3 month rule is figured after 3 months it might last a little while.. One never knows..

I grew up in a divorced relationship ... and lived with my father ... first saw him get very hurt over a women... he thought he loved and he did ...
but new was not going to work out ... so it ended ...
he saw other women ... but not the same ...


I new damn well ... I would not date anyone till I was sure... I loved them and would bring them in my life ...which was my daughters and mine ...

I figured I would start out by dinner all together ... but find know one ...
that I felt I could love ... so that did not happen ...

so for yrs I raised her ... an never was out of my life ... I always made her no.1 till the last two yrs of high school ... no need to go into that nightmare ... but I understand the feeling of children coming first ...

and doing what you feel ... for yourself to be right ... not others ... you have to live with yourself ... and when it is right go with it ...

Children grow up so fast.... i got a divorce when my daughters were 1 and 4. I had a job and my children. A man was not on my mind. At first I had several guys call, but i said no, thank you. I had my first date 18 years later...when they were out of highschool. i would not do it differently. We 3 had a great relationship and so many wonderful memories. my oldest died when she was 33 and the other daughter is 2 hours away. Do what feels right to YOU. Your daughter will all of a sudden be old enough that she wants a classmate to go with you to the zoo or park. Suddenly your visiting hours will be in the past. do what feels right to you now so you have those good memories. Everyone has the right to make the choice that suits them best. :)