Topic: depression story-true story (Any questions message me)
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livlettice

Tue 12/18/18 11:17 AM

I started to be depressed when I was 12, I didn't have easy life and I don't think anyone has. It started when I ended up the hospital for the first time due to a suicide attempt, I took almost over 100 pills. I was rushed to the ER to get my stomach pumped out and I seen my step mom there. I didn't love her cause she always treated me and my 2 brothers differently. She made our life's a living hell by starving us... I weighed 80.5 pounds. I was then in the hospital for a week or more ..after I got out it wasn't even three weeks I was back in again this time for cutting.. I was trying to reach out for my father who worked out west to help me. I needed help. Just when I didn't think things could get worse my dad broke up with his gf when he flied home to see us then he told me we move out west with him. We did have alot of money so we sold all his tools in his barn to get the money we need to drive there. The drive was 4 days long with me getting car sick. Ince we got there we lived at my dad's friends house for a little while me and brothers slept on couch's n my dad had his room.. Then we moved to a bigger place for not even a month cuz we couldn't afford it... We moved again into a basement which was really smile my brothers slept in the living room which was connected to the kitchen me and my dad had our own room. There was alot of days then we had to go to the food bank cause we didn't have enough money for food and we could barely pay our rent some days we would only have flour and water. I got worse out west I would yell and slam my bed room door in my dad's face. I didn't like it there at all. Then we met Canadce my dad's fanicé she helped us out so much and when my dad lost his job she took us in but that ment we had to move again 3 hours south to a métis reservation. I got bullied alot at school and no liked me expect my friend jennfier she stood by side. rumors were passed around about and then I started really getting into cutting bad. I told my dad I was and he didn't believe me. It got really bad to the point I was cutting daily, my dad took me to the hospital which I stayed at for 3 days then he took me back home. I couldn't wait to get out of that school. And one day it came Tru my dad found another job then we moved back with Candace still helping us with food and the bills.. we found an apartment next to hers. and moved all of our stuff there. We would visit the reservation often on weekends then I ran into trouble by my step brother. He would always try and touch me when I didn't want him to then got what he wanted after the 3 try. I didn't tell anyone cuz I was so scared.. When we back to our place after the visit on the reservation. we added a new family member which was a chow chow dog named China. She was so adorable and made me happy but me and dad didn't see eye to eye anymore we would just agrue all the time because I wanted to go back to my real home where I was born and raised. When I just had enough of it(I was still cutting) I left to go to a group home called stepping Stones. I told them what was going on and they agreed to take me in. I only packed little clothing from my father's place. So they supplied me with more colthing and supply's. They tried to get me to talk to my dad but I would. I was mad at him for not listening to me. I couldn't even talk to him about anything really. I wanted to get to know my real mom also I didn't see her in 13 years so a total stranger to me now. I found her on messenger and started to talk about what was going on. And she wanted to get custody of me. Child services payed for her ticket there and our ticket back. I also got worse in the group by smoking weed and ciggs,drinking doing pills, cocaine,crystal meth I was 15 at this time all of this was in span of 2-3 years.i was in the hospital when my mom found me I had to much to drink and smoke and had a seziure which sent me rushing to the hospital...I got the ok to leave with my mom I didn't even know. Me and my mom started to talk about different things and I was happy she listened to me. The flight home was horrible. I don't like heights at all. When we finally landed with my bags and her bag I met my step dad who was nice to me and welcomed me back home. it felt great to be back home where I always belonged... I went from cutting daily to one cutting 3 times since August. me and my mom got to know each other and her side of family. I don't talk to one of my brothers anymore, I talk to my dad once an while.... Im happy rn.. things get better in time :pensive::blush:thank for reading...for all of those who r going through depression be strong
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JimmyChiron

Tue 12/18/18 03:42 PM

hello girl, thanks for posting your story ,its sad of course but the important that you survived & learned from life's harsh times.. **** happen as we say!
i suffered depression too in my early 20s , its strange coz people supposed to be happy & enjoying their days of youth but i was using anti depressant pills to cope with my reality; problems at home; bad luck, misunderstanding from everyone & loneliness.. thank God i survived & am better , i helped my self & leaned many lessons.. first thing : to love yourself & dont expect others to treat you the same, whatever your heart is big or you are kind, people will keep Hurting you & misunderstand you.. am an introvert , thats common to us.

am stronger now, am 33 , still single but happy, at least with myself even my life is not fine or successful.. i still have Hope.. i wish you too :)

Hugs
Narlycarnk's photo

Narlycarnk

Tue 12/18/18 04:09 PM

What a story!

Glad you are among us.
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Blondey111

Tue 12/18/18 04:34 PM


I started to be depressed when I was 12, I didn't have easy life and I don't think anyone has. It started when I ended up the hospital for the first time due to a suicide attempt, I took almost over 100 pills. I was rushed to the ER to get my stomach pumped out and I seen my step mom there. I didn't love her cause she always treated me and my 2 brothers differently. She made our life's a living hell by starving us... I weighed 80.5 pounds. I was then in the hospital for a week or more ..after I got out it wasn't even three weeks I was back in again this time for cutting.. I was trying to reach out for my father who worked out west to help me. I needed help. Just when I didn't think things could get worse my dad broke up with his gf when he flied home to see us then he told me we move out west with him. We did have alot of money so we sold all his tools in his barn to get the money we need to drive there. The drive was 4 days long with me getting car sick. Ince we got there we lived at my dad's friends house for a little while me and brothers slept on couch's n my dad had his room.. Then we moved to a bigger place for not even a month cuz we couldn't afford it... We moved again into a basement which was really smile my brothers slept in the living room which was connected to the kitchen me and my dad had our own room. There was alot of days then we had to go to the food bank cause we didn't have enough money for food and we could barely pay our rent some days we would only have flour and water. I got worse out west I would yell and slam my bed room door in my dad's face. I didn't like it there at all. Then we met Canadce my dad's fanicé she helped us out so much and when my dad lost his job she took us in but that ment we had to move again 3 hours south to a métis reservation. I got bullied alot at school and no liked me expect my friend jennfier she stood by side. rumors were passed around about and then I started really getting into cutting bad. I told my dad I was and he didn't believe me. It got really bad to the point I was cutting daily, my dad took me to the hospital which I stayed at for 3 days then he took me back home. I couldn't wait to get out of that school. And one day it came Tru my dad found another job then we moved back with Candace still helping us with food and the bills.. we found an apartment next to hers. and moved all of our stuff there. We would visit the reservation often on weekends then I ran into trouble by my step brother. He would always try and touch me when I didn't want him to then got what he wanted after the 3 try. I didn't tell anyone cuz I was so scared.. When we back to our place after the visit on the reservation. we added a new family member which was a chow chow dog named China. She was so adorable and made me happy but me and dad didn't see eye to eye anymore we would just agrue all the time because I wanted to go back to my real home where I was born and raised. When I just had enough of it(I was still cutting) I left to go to a group home called stepping Stones. I told them what was going on and they agreed to take me in. I only packed little clothing from my father's place. So they supplied me with more colthing and supply's. They tried to get me to talk to my dad but I would. I was mad at him for not listening to me. I couldn't even talk to him about anything really. I wanted to get to know my real mom also I didn't see her in 13 years so a total stranger to me now. I found her on messenger and started to talk about what was going on. And she wanted to get custody of me. Child services payed for her ticket there and our ticket back. I also got worse in the group by smoking weed and ciggs,drinking doing pills, cocaine,crystal meth I was 15 at this time all of this was in span of 2-3 years.i was in the hospital when my mom found me I had to much to drink and smoke and had a seziure which sent me rushing to the hospital...I got the ok to leave with my mom I didn't even know. Me and my mom started to talk about different things and I was happy she listened to me. The flight home was horrible. I don't like heights at all. When we finally landed with my bags and her bag I met my step dad who was nice to me and welcomed me back home. it felt great to be back home where I always belonged... I went from cutting daily to one cutting 3 times since August. me and my mom got to know each other and her side of family. I don't talk to one of my brothers anymore, I talk to my dad once an while.... Im happy rn.. things get better in time :pensive::blush:thank for reading...for all of those who r going through depression be strong
hi liv .. you have been through a lot and it is great you are feeling in control .. just wondering after your overdose did you have psychological and mental health assessments / support . Cutting , self harm and malnourishment are all serious medical disorders and although depression was part of your experience it sounds like there were complex contributing issues . Lovely to hear you are doing well now flowerforyou waving
Edited by Blondey111 on Tue 12/18/18 04:36 PM
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Tom4Uhere

Tue 12/18/18 11:48 PM

I stopped myself from committing suicide.
As I lay there on the floor I decided I needed to get some help with this, it was way beyond me and I really didn't WANT to die because death is forever, there's no redo. No second chances. Once its done, its done forever.

When I got help, I did the whole series of tests both mental and physical. I was completely hones with the doctors and both listened and read about the things they talked about.
Come to find out, my brain was not making a chemical I needed.
We tried a few different drugs with no relief and since I gave them useable feedback we finally figured out which drug worked and I immediately felt relief without feeling loopy.

My treatment didn't end with a doctors visit.
My treatment didn't end with the drug I was on.
I needed to remove the delusions that were affecting my serenity.
I started taking a real hard look at myself and how I think.
I figured out that I was feeding my depression in the way I was thinking and the things I believed that were delusional.

As I removed more and more delusions I realized that I am not as messed up as I thought I was, I had been lied to for most of my life.
Those lies were the delusional things I took for granted as reality but they turned out to not be reality at all.
I started embracing reality.

I can tell you that embracing reality with complete honesty is a very hard thing to do. Thing is, as I removed more and more delusions and embraced more and more actual reality, my depression started diminishing. The longer I stayed at it, the better I felt, not only about myself but life in general.

The world doesn't owe me anything.
I don't desreve anything.
Reality places both good and bad things before me and its my decision as to how I react.
I choose to be in control of my life now.
I have been off the meds for a few years now.
I can still think clearly.
Depression sometimes still tries to get ahold of me but I now have inner tools to stop it dead in its tracks.

Had I never sought help, I would be dead now.
Had I never found the right meds, I would be dead now.
Had I never been completely honest with my doctors, I would be dead now.
Had I depended on someone or something else to fix me, I would be dead now.
Had I not been completely honest with myself, I would be dead now.
Had I not removed my cherished delusions, I would be dead now.
Had I not realized that reality doesn't care, I would be dead now.

The simple fact is, I am now in control of my own life.
Nobody else on this planet lives behind my eyes.
It gives me inner peace and contentment that allows me to make the right decisions.
I am proactive now instead of reactive.

May you find peace within.
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Narlycarnk

Wed 12/19/18 05:03 PM

What a remarkable conversation. People never have conversations like this.

I am very glad for those with courage in dark times who are here with us today.

Ironically, the fear of dangerous situations makes my brain work correctly, and for that reason I savor every moment of them. I alsways am careful though never to do anything that would lead to self-murder or such dreadful things elsewise. And I try to face phobias and anxieties, not real dangerous things.

I face one, hereby, by promising never to seek death, only life.
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Narlycarnk

Wed 12/19/18 06:12 PM

That is easy for me to say. Dark times are no joke.
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steve B

Sun 03/17/19 03:07 PM

Oh livlettice. What a tough time you've had. Things got a little bleak for me too when i was young but not as bad as you. I think most people if they had your problems as a little girl would have got depressed too.

It happened to you, there was nothing wrong with you. the point that Blondy raised about malnourishment I think played a significant role, but so many things all together, phew.I'm glad you're still with us.

love yourself. you're pretty you know. And don't let guys use you. And stear away from drink and drugs they are all ultimately depressants.