It's been almost 5 month since my ex ran off and took our two children. I have made several attempts to contact her and she has been nothing but hostile towards me for no reason. She refuses to let me see our children or talk to them or anything. All I want is to have a relationship with my children, but my ex is refusing to allow that.

What can I do to get her to understand that it would be best for the children if she worked with me instead of being hostile towards me? I don't want to fight and argue with her, I just want to be in my childrens lives.

If you are the FATHER you have a legal right to see your children unless you are prohibited by law.
I think you should get yourself a lawyer but if she is your X, didn't that subject come up in the divorce?
Something doesn't quite sound right?

I'm wondering why she has so much hostility toward you and is 'appearing' to protect her children from you?
I suggest you take a long hard "honest" look at yourself in this situation and see if there is merit to her stance against you then work to 'fix' yourself.

Good Luck!

We were never married, so there was no divorce.

I guess you would need to apply for paternity rights which could require a gene test. A paternity test can be ordered by law and she must comply.
Like I said before, get a lawyer, if you are the FATHER, you have rights.

I already know that and getting that taken care of. I just want to see my kids and be in their lives.

I want me and their mother to be able to work together, but for some reason she won't. I don't want to fight with her or anything, but I will be in my childrens lives. My children are still young, 1 and 2 years old, but this is still affecting them and will affect them now and throughout their lives. I need to be in my childrens lives and they need me. Their mother has severe mental issues and documented suicide attempts. I think that is why she is so hostile towards me. I guess she fears I will try to take the kids away from her.

I want my kids with me and all, but I want their best interests to be enforced regardless of what me or their mother want. All I want is to be an equal part of their lives despite me and their mother no longer being together. This is not an unreasonable request and there is no reason I should be denied this. It's in the childrens best interest for us to have a relationship and for me to be an equal part of their lives.

I don't want to attack their mother or try to make her look bad or anything. I would rather the facts of the case speak for themselves. I'm not going to give up any of my rights or anything and I don't expect her to either.

I just wish she was more mature and could put her own self aside for the sake of the children and work with me on this. I'm not trying to get back with her or anything but we will be in each others lives whether we like it or not. I don't care about her except for how my children are being cared for.

It always saddens me when parents use their children as bartering chips for their own relationship. I hope it works out for the best of the kids, don't lose hope is all I can advise.

There's nothing for her to barter. She does have some serious issues though and really I think that's what this is all about. I gave up on trying to make sense of her a while ago, at this point my only concern is the children.

It is sad when parents use their kids as pawns to make a point regardless what the point is or if it is warranted..

My only advise is to take it up with Child Services. Like some have said a paternity test will be done to confirm and child support will be set along with visitation rights. Once visitation rights have been set she will no longer be able to keep the kids from you unless she can prove that you would harm the kids...

When my son's first wife tried that with my oldest grand daughter it did not work out too well for her for the courts told her, you either allow him to see his kids or she could be arrested for going against court orders..

At times you have to stand for your rights, if you truly want to see your kids. Go through the court system and get it all done the legal way..

A parent can not keep kids from seeing the other parent unless there is a issue they can prove and it deems for the safety of the kids..

One thing they told my son while going through all that was write it all down get a tablet write down every single date you tried to get the kids with the results.. Note down all the times ect of phone calls and what was said ect.. details is what judges and lawyers love, proof makes a case..

Good luck and use the System as it was intended it is your only venue to resolve things at times when you run into situations as this..

It has basically all been said and it sounds like you are taking the right legal steps. Since she wants nothing to do with you, respect that. Just because you cannot understand her reasons doesn't mean there are none. The court can appointment a third party into place to deal with visitation and other concerns Everyone needs time to deal with the situation that caused the separation. I can say from experience, I was accused of not having a reason to avoid my ex. My experiences that led to that were not known to anyone outside of our home. So I do understand that your wife could have reasons to avoid you. Even if you say there are none. I am not accusing you. But something caused her to leave. Just do everything legal. And do not accused her of mental instability to others that are not involved in this, and not legally without proof. Good luck.

I agree with TXSGal - call Child Protection Services and let them advise you.
Even though our divorce (i realize you had no divorce) set visitation rights, I disagreed. Finally the court appointed a lady from Child Protection to be WITH my husband and children whenever he visited. He got to see them, but with supervision.
Don't give up... get legal help. and I like the idea of writing down dates of phone calls, etc.

I like the way men think (including myself) that children belong to us. I also like the way we men say 'my ex'. A woman's point of view, if she has children and is not married to the father, let's get real - is hell. Having stated this let's look for solutions.

To OP,
I don't know your circumstances so I write generally (somebody may benefit from my experience).
--xx--

1. Mindset
By Law you have no legal rights; unless you are living in a commune where children belong to the commune. Remember what Hillary said: 'It takes a village to bring up a Child'. I believe she was referring to native Americans.

2. The Trend:
Can the Law be changed? There is a rising trend, so it's a Yes and No.


Pews Survey is incomplete in the sense it does not cover men who were married and now divorced or separated.
--xx--

As I said earlier, all of these may not apply to any reader personally but while on this topic, the following also needs to be covered.

3. Financial Stability:
Number 1 reason most women having children 'run away': boy friend is undependable financially.

Note: If a person is unemployed for 2 months in a year, the woman's support group will label him as undependable. So your GF may adore you but the real problem is her 'WSG'. (I lost my job twice, from the same employer(!) during the period of separation)

Sorry, the WSG is right, what's wrong is our mindset.


4. The Law: Going uphill to the Law may not be in long term interests of both parties. The Law demands 1) Proof of Paternity (covered). Visiting your child under supervision is worse than no visit. (A man may lose his self respect, no problem but not in front of his child; it devastates ..)

5. Survival: On Proof of Paternity the Law demands 2) Child Support (Liability).
Small businesses lay off people routinely. The man may be willing to pay during this say 2 month period; but in reality it leaves no cushion.
--xx--

Solution:
Re-evaluate present job / lifestyle over the next 20 years (till the kids are in college years). Join up a Group. Opens up new fronts.

(Have M2 start a society: fathers anonymous, why not?)

Meantime Give her space - she deserves it. The kids can manage till around 5 or so.

--xx--
Case:
I got my second chance with my kid after I went to Saudi and paid for her college. I lost this second chance after I blamed my Ex for all the evil that ensued in my life.

I joined up with a management institute; opened my eyes. A new beginning
--xx--

Needless to say, I wish every father living in 'suspended sentence' the very best.
If any thing I have said has hurt anybody, my apologies in advance. Sometimes there is no other way than saying as is.
--xx--

I trust Mr. T has no problem with my post.
Thanks

In my opinion (We stayed married after our children were grown and out on their own) an opinion based on sensibility in my understanding.

I feel it is important to emphasize TxsGal3333...

In my head, I think both parents should do whatver is best for their children.
I like to think that is a driving force in parenting.
Perhaps it was only ours?

I suggest you do some honest personal assessments and see if your need to see them is based on what's best for you or what's best for them?
I would think she would do a similar assessment when considering having you in their lives.

At the ages you stated, parental bonds form.
If they are yours and you have what's best for THEM in mind then you should be there for those bonding years, even if it is a limited presence.
As long as during those times you spend with them is about bonding as a father to children and not as a revenge tactic against their mother.
She will ALWAYS be their mother. If you are their father, you will ALWAYS be their father.

Try to remember as they get older and gain reasoning ability, not to try to drive a wedge between the mother and children. Always make your time with them about them and you. Remove the animosity you feel for their mother from the experience. Hopefully, she can do the same concerning your role.
But, even if she doesn't, take the higher ground graciously and keep the focus where it should be, on your children's best experience.

Even divorce lawyers drive wedges in the papers. Used to think my Ex was possessive and will come over it.

Conclusion: There's no way mothers can be reassured on this count; unless some extraordinary efforts are made.

I suppose TxsGal is right, work with the system.

I am not saying this is the case with this post but usually when a woman takes the kids and leaves there is a very good reason for it.

Finally found out some information. Given the responses here, and things I found out, some things make more sense, but this topic wasn't really helpful.