There's nothing hypocritical about it. There's having adult kids and having young kids. A world of difference.
My kids are adults, have left the nest when I was 46 and NO FREAKING way would I date a man with younger kids.
When your kids have left the home you get your life back, and that's something you need too. Both you and your kids are ready for this, letting go and both getting their own lives. It's a natural process that occurs to all living creatures on the planet: giving birth to offspring, protecting and raising them, letting go of them, knowing and trusting you have given them all you can give and teach and that they can make it on their own now.
Dating a man with younger children means you have to go back in your own natural process from having let go, having done your 'work' concerning raising offspring, to raising (someone else's) offspring, and accommodating that.
It's not natural, goes against the grain.
Apart from that you and that man are NOT in the same phase of life, as they're still in the phase of 'raising and protecting and teaching' while you have done with that.
It means being tied to home again, not being able to spend time alone with a partner, having children around, again. Too much to ask.
Really narrow-minded and not very understanding of natural processes to say it's hypocritical.
You are in the same phase as you too have young children. Discuss this when they've left the home. Then you will maybe understand.
It's also that I have had my children at the normal age, in my 20s. If a man partied and/or was focused on his career until 40 and then decided to have offspring, I'm not going to pay the price for that by sacrificing the freedom you have once your kids have left the nest.
It means we're too different, not compatible.
I agree with everything you said Crystal. Couldn't have said it better myself