A man walking on the beach sees a bottle, picks it up, and a genie comes out, “I’ve been in there for 1000’s of years, I’ll grant you one wish”.

“Well” pauses the man, “I have always wanted to go to Hawaii, but could never afford the plane ticket, or the cruise, can you build a bridge?

“Man, quite the wish, I mean the concrete, the pave, the steel, you know what you are asking for, this is complicated. Would you have anything simpler in mind?

“I have always wanted to know how women think”, says the man, “why they react the way they do, why they do all that they do”.

“Will that be 2 lanes or 4 on the bridge?”

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A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says “Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes.”

The man says “Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account.”

Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand. He continues, “Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here.”

Phoof! There is a flash of light and abright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him. He continues, “Finally, I want to be irresistible to women.”

Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.

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A cowboy was riding his horse across his pasture. A snake spooked his horse and bucked the cowboy off. The cowboy cursed at the snake and yelled, “Don’t bite me!”

The snake said, “No, I’m a genie snake. I can give you three wishes. What would you like me to grant you?”

The cowboy thought for a minute and said, “A million dollars in the bank.”

The snake said, “Granted, next.”

Again the cowboy thought. Then said, “The most beautiful wife in the world.”

The snake said, “Granted, next.”

Then with a great big smile on his face he said, “I want to be hung like my horse.”

The snake said, “Granted” and slithered off.

The cowboy got on his horse and rode home as fast as the horse would take him. He ran into the house and into his bedroom. There stretched across his bed in a sexy negligee was the most beautiful woman in the world. So he picked up the phone called the bank and asked for his balance. The bank told him he had one million and forty nine dollars. He rushed into the bathroom, unzipped his pants and let out the most blood curdling cry.

“Dammit, I forgot I was riding OLD NELLIE!”

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A man walking down the beach sees an old bottle in the sand and begins to play kick-the-bottle to amuse himself. After a while he picks it up, and a pissed-off genie emerges.

She says, “normally I grant 3 wishes, but in your case, you son-of-a-*****, I am going to grant only 1.”

The man thinks a minute and says, “Okay, I want to wake up with 3 women in my bed.”

She says, “So be it!”, and disappears back into the bottle.

Next morning, the guy wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding and Hillary Clinton. He has no penis, a broken leg, and no health insurance.