Topic: Spoiler or Disciplinarian?
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IamAyhen's photo

IamAyhen

Thu 04/09/20 01:30 AM

All Answers are acceptable, Just tell me your own opinion regarding this two. 🥰
msharmony's photo

msharmony

Thu 04/09/20 08:26 AM


All Answers are acceptable, Just tell me your own opinion regarding this two. 🥰


I am personally more of a spoiler. Although, I can buckle down and discipline when something is dangerous or critical. I think the ideal parenting for children is a balance of at least one discipliner and one 'nurturer', also called a spoiler. I feel that partnership is best for the child and I feel it is often met with the mother/father dynamic. However, being single, I have to seek that complementary discipline to my nurturing from other family like older sibling and grandparent.


Too much spoiling though, and you get a brat. Too much discipline, and you may create a very cold and detached adult, acting out in unwanted ways to get much needed attention.



Edited by msharmony on Thu 04/09/20 08:27 AM
Tom4Uhere's photo

Tom4Uhere

Thu 04/09/20 09:27 AM

Many people think discipline means punishment.
Discipline is action or inaction that is regulated to be in accordance with a particular system of governance. Discipline is commonly applied to regulating human and animal behavior.
Discipline can include punishment but not necessarily physical punishment. Discipline can also be achieved using rewards.

Teaching discipline by reward is not the same as spoiling.
Spoiling is to harm the character of (someone, especially a child) by being too lenient or indulgent.
Leniency and gifts to those we love is natural. It builds bonds and make people feel wanted and special.
As in all things, spoiling should be done in moderation and at the right time.

Effective discipline teaches wisdom by Cause & Effect.
If you do 'this', 'that' will happen.
Wisdom is the understanding of cause & effect by experience or education.
Discipline teaches the wisdom.
Consistency causes the wisdom to be learned.

Ignorance (lack of understanding) is the inability to grasp the wisdom being taught by the discipline. Ignorance can be cause by failure to learn the associations of cause & effect or failure to effectively teach the associations of cause and effect.

Stupidity is the purposed abandoning of a learned discipline. We hear people proclaim their stupidity a lot. "I know I shouldn't do this but..."
Stupidity destroys wisdom and changes discipline.

There is also such a condition as teaching the wrong discipline.
Incorrect use of punishment/reward methodology often teaches the wrong discipline.
Rewarding bad behavior and punishing good behavior.
Inconsistency usually teaches the wrong discipline.
Rewarding then punishing the same behavior.

Spoiling often tells more about the spoiler than the one being spoiled.
Spoiling is often a defense mechanism used to shuck the responsibilities of teaching discipline.
"My kid is throwing a tantrum in the grocery store so I will just give him what he wants to appease him so I don't have to deal with it."
The failure was teaching the child he can get what he wants by throwing a tantrum.
Ineffective discipline is punishing the child for the same behavior you reward them for.
If you teach the child the tantrum behavior is always wrong, that behavior is ineffective to the child's goals (to get what they want) so they will not adopt it.