If someone would like to help but only on their terms is it still help..?

Of course this help is not what this person is needing but what someone who would like to help, they think that it will be the best for them.

Reminds me of an old saying. Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish, and you feed him for the rest of his life.

What I am saying is, if I give someone money, it might be a short term help. But giving advise, telling that person where to find long term support, is some help as well.

We are not telling about money.

What I meant, is if we are talking about help between friends not strangers.

Hm...it's difficult to form an opinion without having all of the information.

But I would say that we should keep in mind that we are not entitled to receive help from anyone. So if they offer something they think is helpful, we should be grateful, even if it's not what we were hoping for. That person still put forth some sort of effort on our behalf. That's more than doing nothing.

Hope you are able to solve your problem soon! All the best to you.

Not easy to say, depends on context.

If help is more meddling then it's not nice. If someone genuinely wants to help but you don't want or need it, you can simply thank them and decline. Or suggest what you could use help with, how they could help you.

So it all just depends. There's not one rule of thumb for this.

there are plenty of strangers and friends who actually help out strangers and friends. But this breed is getting pretty rare . due to the fact , there are way to many scammers who prey on the emotions of genuine people , making it very difficult to come to the aid of persons in genuine need ....personally, i tend to donate to well established charity organizations, and let them decide who deserves and who does not .... now, this may be debatable , but it satisfies my inner being , and thats all that matters to me !!!!

Terms and conditions are everywhere but it takes sober mind to digest the deal and its terms

Hello Nicole, hope all is well for you.

There's been times when I needed help and times when I was able to help others.

To understand what 'help' is you must first consider the people involved, their situation for needing help and the result of the specific help given/received.

Example: Lets say I need help unloading and putting away my groceries.
A neighbor offers to help.
My neighbor helps me carry my groceries from my truck to my door.
Then has to leave to make an appointment.

My neighbor actually helped me unload my truck and carry my groceries to my door.
My neighbor did not help me bring my groceries to the kitchen and assist me in restocking the pantry, fridge and freezer.

I am thankful for the help they did give me. They actually did help me but not completely. I appreciate the help I did receive but I still need more help with the task at hand.

I either finish the task myself or find someone else who can help me with the remainder of the task.

I call another friend to come over and help me get my groceries from the door to my kitchen and help me restock them.
They arrive and help me get my groceries into the kitchen but then they just sit at the table while I put them away. They have no idea where I want everything or if I need to re-wrap anything or transfer anything to different containers but...they do keep me company while I finish the remainder of the task, often giving moral support or praising how I do what I do. Sometimes, while just sitting there they will offer advice on something or find interest in how I do something.

There are many reasons why people ask for 'help'.
- they are physically unable to perform the task themselves
- they lack the knowledge to complete the task correctly.
- they do not want to do the task themselves but have someone else do it for them
- they are financially challenged
- they have too many other tasks needing to be done at the same time (too many Irons in the Fire)
- plus, there are as many reasons to ask for help as there are people on this planet.

There are many reasons why people offer 'help'.
- they are idle, not really doing anything important at the time
- they like you and want to be around you
- they need to have the feeling they are a good person
- they are scoping you out as a mark
- someone else gave them an ultimatum to help you 'or else'
-plus, there are as many reasons someone will offer to help as there are people on the planet.

There are also times when the help you request is not really the help you need. Sometimes, its obvious to everyone except you. You can't see the actual problem because you are too close to it or suffering from a delusional mindset about it.

For instance a drug addict asking for help getting their next fix. You can help them by giving them more drugs or you can try to help them by getting them in touch with a profession who actually can help them kick the addiction.

Sometimes, the 'help' requested is not what is needed.
Sometimes, 'help' comes in the form of information/resources needed to help yourself.
Sometimes, no matter how much 'help' you get the task cannot be completed because the task requires extreme methods beyond anybody's means.

The reason you started this thread is kinda obvious, having read some of your previous comments on other threads.

One thing that should be considered, If you can't find the help you think you need, do it yourself.
If you can't depend upon anyone, you need to depend upon yourself to lead your own life according to you. Only you have all the needed information. Only you have the inspiration, determination and sheer will to get it done according to you.
Stand up, brush yourself off, take a deep breath and take control of your own life.

About scammers, that they're exist I found about two years ago when I was starting to join a dating site.
I was reading an articles on the Government site from the U.S. that women are sending a big amount of money e.g. 200 000$ to the men and in many cases these money are lost.

In this question I was thinking about help which is not connected with a money.
What is wonderful, I see that it is happening very often that in U.S. people helping each other by different foundations.

What I meant was a help with finding a job if someone will be notice that it is a free vacat.

However, always is the best to count on ourselves and to be independent how long it is only possible.

Thank you so much for your opinion Slim gym, I think that thanks to you and people who are thinking like you , this support which you sent to the foundation it helps so much for these people who are in needs.

Hi Tom4Uhere,

Thank you so much, I hope you are healthy and safe.

I have to admit, that I needed this advice.
You put it all in the box which I appreciate that you showed me.
Sometimes if we are in the middle of the thunderstorm, we are simply lost and it happened to me.

Yes, it was a while, but yes you are right, I can do it myself.

Thank you so much, because your explanation helped me understood something, maybe it was simple but sometimes we need to know the other side.

I was trying to find a right way for last time, and it was so difficult because I was surrounded by people which didn't accept that I have a right to my own opinions.
In theirs opinion only they have always right. It is like a fight with windmills..

I am grateful so much that you found a time.

Your last advice give me so much hope.

Hi Bonnie,

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice.

Sometimes when we are feeling lost, is a small chance that in this beautiful world we can meet people who can show us that exist the world where people are smiling and that after thunderstorm is a time when the sun comes out from behind the clouds..

I would like to tell you, that I was reading your posts and I'm so happy that you and Mark to find each other in this place, which is for me full of beautiful and magnificent memories, where for a short time by first time in my life I was so happy..

Przepraszam. That wasn't clear enough in the opening post.

Hi Larsi,

Yes, I know. I hope you are doing well and healthy and your cats too
Sometimes are many aspects of one thing.

It's near impossible, to help anyone
long distance find a job.

Locally, helping someone find a job,
is often dependent upon education,
experience, willingness to work, and
the ability to start work in a timely
manner.

To find potential jobs in the U.S.,
get on a computer, and type your search
words (name of city and state) employment
office .

The state employment office sites,
generally give clear instructions on how
to navigate the sites

You may have to create an account, to be
able to view the job listings.

If someone would like to help but only on their terms is it still help ???

Your question is subjective . Perhaps you can give a specific example of the type of help offered . .

There are many ways to approach help but clear honest communication is always important . There is no guarantee that helpful Intentions will meet your expectations or assumptions . Only you can decide if the consequence of accepting help different to what you asked for is appropriate and safe.

Hi SparklingCrystal,

Thank you so much for your advice.
Yes, you are right it depends on context, every situation is different.

Always when someone helped, I think that is so nice express my own gratitude.
I can prepare delicious dinner and invite on them, give a tickets for a favorite concert, film or opera, invite for ice cream in a favorite place or something what I know that make pleasure..

What I meant that if someone help it for me doesn't mean that I am obligatory to do something what this person demanding, only because they helped.

Of course if we both agreed on the terms it will be working.

Hi Blondey111,

Thank you so much for your advice.
Now, I'm pretty sure, that only I can decide if the consequences are appropriate and safe.
What important not always, we have to agree on the terms only because someone would like to help.

What's happened to me, that I feeling I need an advice to be sure that my way of thinking is correct.
I realize that each of situation is different and specific.

I asked someone about information, that if it will be any opportunity to take a job, I will grateful for contact.
I received proposition a job in the kitchen for an almost a half of lowest wage in the Poland.
For that, this person demanded a cleaning the 70sqm apartment for free, for 2 months.
People here are thinking that because they are helping I'm obligate to do everything what they demand, only because I ask or need this. Very often they didn't accept the words "no, thank you so much", only because I asked about it, they didn't accept that I have to right to thank them very polite.
Even if I explain what was the reason of my decision, they still didn't accept how I can refuse..

It is only one example, but the mentality of people is very often the same here.
I know, that I have always a right of choice, no matter what is going on.
I'm feeling that my point of view, and way of thinking is correct.
If I may to ask, am I right, that always are a boundaries which we have to respect and it should be working in two ways?

I met so many people in Poland, who didn't respect it in different situations, not always it is connected with helping, that's why I decided to post my question.

helping means you never expect something in return