I'm a tad confused as you tell us to PO and continue to express you know it all yourself, and then you ask our advice?
In any case, I don't really get why it has to be male company? If you've lost your partner only months ago you aren't ready for a new relationship, not a budding one even. Not if your relationship was good.
So why not enjoy female company for now until you are ready?
And as for the question... it has been a topic on here a few times before.
Many say yes, it is possible.
I say, no, as there's almost always 1 party that has feelings other than just friendship. With two healthy heterosexual people of the other gender there will be at least one that has or will develop different feelings. Can be only sexual but also falling in love.
Maybe the only way it could work if the male was a widower. But even then, only 5 months after becoming a widow... very short!
Even after a breakup someone won't be ready within that short amount of time. Usually takes at least 1 yr to find your feet being alone again, and more time to be ready for a relationship, another year or more.
The impact of losing a partner and becoming widowed is usually much deeper and will as such highly likely take longer too.
My two cents. Do with it what you like.
When I say I PO everyone, I meant every guy that I've been talking too.
I don't disagree with you at all, I confuse myself everyday. I flip flop and lack life experiences. I have this fear that never goes away and this pain that never settles, my heart actually hurts. I've been in one relationship since I was 14 and he died in January. I'm devastated, I'm lost and was just trying to fill a void that can't be filled. I am open to any friendship at all... I'm just lonely and driving my actually friends nuts.
Maybe I come off as a know it all, but ... The male companionship I think I'm craving is because of my husband was my best friend. it's just my thoughts process. I don't have one single guy friend that isn't attached to my husband.
Thanks
Thank you for your openness!
And I understand now why you are looking for a male friend. I have not ever lost a partner the way you have, so I'm not going to pretend to understand that, but I can empathize with the reason for wanting male companionship as you explain it.
But maybe like I suggested it would be possible with someone who also lost his partner? The chances are a widower would feel the same way about not having a woman anymore and would likely not push for anything else either.
I once befriended a woman who lost her husband. By the time I met her she'd gotten married again to a man who'd lost his wife. That's how they met, online on a forum for widowers/widows. First they were friends, then it grew into love and they were happily married. I met them both and they were totally lovely as a couple. Their strength was being able to understand & respect the pain the other had gone through and still might have.
Maybe you can find what you're looking for now that way?
In another sense I think the missing of your mate, best friend, is part of the mourning? In a way you go through something similar when you split up. What I'm trying to say is, maybe that longing for male companionship is normal part of it and will ease in time? EDIT: Reading now that you go to a bereavement therapy group... maybe it is something you could address there, to hear how this part is for others and if that will become easier over time?
I hope I didn't hurt you with anything I said. If that is the case I wholeheartedly apologize as that was never my intention.
I wish you a lot of love and strength! I wished I could give you a hug! Consider yourself virtually hugged, a big one at that!
Edited by
SparklingCrystal 💖💎
on Wed 06/01/22 03:36 PM