We didn't do the co-parenting where kids would be with one parent one week and the other the next.
My kids were with dad every other weekend and he paid alimony for them.
When our kids were in their mid-teens they sometimes skipped going to dad as they had for instance a party with mates to go to. But in general they did go every time until approx. 17 yrs. Then it became more wishy washy.
Although our daughter went to live with him when she was 16-ish so we each had one kid then. My son still went to dad regularly, not necessarily every other week. And once or twice my ex took him with them on skiing holiday in Austria.
As for the raising them, dealing with difficulties and trouble etc., that was mostly me. Used to be that way before the divorce too. He didn't really have what it took to properly raise kids, which was one of the reasons I wanted to divorce.
I actually felt he was more of a dad after the divorce than during our marriage as at least he spent time with them every other weekend. He had no choice.
I always kept him informed when I felt it was important stuff for him to know about our kids. He never did the same, still doesn't.
I even kept doing that when our kids were adults, but I don't anymore. F him. I always thought we could deal with the children as adults and treat each other with respect as parents. He doesn't, just a lot of badmouthing behind my back (he daren't face me with that). So a few years ago when he had the audacity to ask me something that was way out of line I pulled the plug. He can go F himself for all that I care.
But at least I managed to make sure the kids suffered as little as possible from the divorce with how we arranged things (by my doing and making sure that happened). And I do respect he did pay alimony for years, even though he made a big show out of that each month by counting the money in front of the kids.
Oooo I hate the bad mouthing part and the worst is when the other partner tries to show off infront of the kids.
I didn't like that either.
He was a good man, not so good father as he simply didn't know how to. But then he could've learnt. After all, no one knows what it's like to be a parent.
And he never healed from the divorce, like many men, and because he's still feeling that he blames ME. Hence the bad mouthing. Not directly to me. He wouldn't dare, so behind my back to the kids etc. Not like every week or something but still.
Kids have gotten wise though, 29 and 31 now, and they don't buy into it anymore like they used to. Esp my girl.
It's been 20 years since our divorce and I don't think he ever got over losing me (me, not the kids) and still doesn't realise it was his own doing that caused it.
As for co-parenting...
I think I'd rather have the scenario I had: kids to dad every other weekend, and not kids moving every week from one parent to the next.
That would A) require you to live close together and life doesn't always pan out that way.
And B) you really have to be on the same page as parents and basically do the same thing at home otherwise it gets too chaotic and confusing for the kids.
Think of this: mother doesn't allow XYZ, father doesn't feel it's a problem and does allow it.
Or vice versa.
Cause for problems and the children will be duped.
Since I don't think it's easy to really be and stay on the same page I'd rather not have that situation. Easier & better for the kids. Less adapting and less confusion.
Edited by
SparklingCrystal 💖💎
on Sun 07/03/22 09:18 AM
