I wonder how you people feel about this and if there are any of you in similar situations, or having made decisions concerning the following.
The last years me & my kids have gone to my mum for Christmas as she's single. She has been single since she was 46 so for 33 years now I've been made to feel obliged to have her over for Christmas or to go there so she isn't alone.
She cannot be by herself in that sense and be happy. If she couldn't be with me & my family she got into serious victim mode, crying etc., making me feel guilty while I had done nothing wrong.
I've never been able to spend Christmas with just me, my then hubbie and our kids, which was what I wanted.
Instead I was forced to always have my mother over or go to her.
This hasn't changed.
So for years now me and my kids have gone to her, which is 1,5 hr drive as she lives far from us.
And thing is, no one wants it, likes it, although my son isn't difficult and doesn't mind too much.
But my daughter is the same, also wants the freedom of choice to spend Christmas with her partner in their own home and not be forced to go to her grandmother.
This year she's not going, celebrates 1st Christmas day at home.
I think my son has to work since he's a chef now, and I doubt he can get the day off.
So now my mum expect to either be with me or me to go to her.
And... I REALLY don't want to.
I want the freedom to stay home, have a good day since I never like Christmas at my mum's either. I want to get up, have a relaxed day, not a long drive, be somewhere I rather not be, eat a nice meal, watch a movie etc.
Plus, I cannot sit properly at my mum's which causes my back & neck to get very upset, totally out of whack, which triggers my dizziness. While I still have to drive 1,5 hr to get home, dizziness or no.
So now what? I know if I tell my mother she's going to be upset. She's going to feel sorry for herself, make me feel guilty and whatnot.
Very immature to make your child responsible for the fact you're single. It's the reason I've always been very conscious of not doing that to my children. It's not their task in life to make me feel good and to make personal sacrifices because I happen to be single.
My mum on the other hand doesn't compute that way.
And I'm fed up with being responsible for her for 33 yrs now.
Another thing is she has nothing to talk about. The only thing that interests her is negative stuff of what she thinks is going on in the world. She's a member of groups that deal with that.
But I am not into that and don't want to talk about that either. She has no hobbies, no interests, nothing. So being with her for half an hour is enough, but then you don't drive 1,5 hours for that.
I'm really stuck now what to do. I feel guilty, yet when I think of staying home by myself and having a relaxed great day, my heart jumps for joy!
I feel I deserve to be able to have my holiday the way I want to, I'm 56 dammit!
I'm going back and forth between staying home and giving myself what I crave and truly want and feeling guilty and going over my boundaries and going to my mum again, which I don't want.
Would've been sorted had she had a partner. Then I wouldn't be forced to spend my Christmas with her. So I have to sacrifice and suffer because she hasn't got a partner. Isn't that insanity? To put that on your child?
I wonder if anyone else is in a similar situation and how you deal with it?
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