Do you think it’s easy to forget?
Stuck in fantasy you used to believe was reality…
My response is in two parts
Personally, I also have a very good memory. I also practice memory training and work very hard to remove the illusions and my own delusions so I can see reality clearer. This came after a lifetime of stress, disappointment and depression.
1. The person you met was not planned. Before you 'met' the first time, you were not even aware there might be a connection. You knew nothing about them and never expected to meet them at all.
2. The person you met was a planned action. You have been thinking about meeting them and build your idea of their personality based on what you want and expect them to be.
In the 1st scenario you see that person as they actually are. You experience them cleanly as the first time. What you do with that experience dictates how your next meeting will transpire.
If you fill your memory of this new person with fantasy and expectation you are changing your view of them from who they are to who you want and expect them to be. The next time you meet them, you will either be disappointed or pleasantly surprised. If the experience is pleasant, you start building a relationship.
In the 2nd scenario you meet that person with your own fantasies and expectations of who you think they are. Depending on how strong your expectation is, you may never actually see the person as they truly are. Your whole relationship is fantasy and time breaks that fantasy down as reality slowly shows. You get angry or sad because they changed, where in reality they were never who you imagined they were in the first place.
People always change. They change in themselves and they change in relationships. This includes yourself. Relationships also change. Sometimes they change for the better. Sometimes they change for the worse. Sometimes they flip-flop, twist and turn like a rollercoaster.
As your relationship changes it is a good idea to remember what attracted you to that person in the first place. Do this even when the relationship is going well.
If you find they are no longer that person, try to determine if it is because they stopped being that person or if it was your own idea of who they were.
The best time to confront them about how they have changed is during a relationship high point. People listen better when they are not in defense mode.
The most important thing is to know your true self.
Not the person you think you are.
Not the person you want to be.
Not the person you want others to think you are.
The person you actually are.
To do this requires personal honesty and personal integrity. You have to remove your cherished delusions about yourself.
Only then can you find the person who actually aligns with you and not your fantasy of you.
Call it internal wisdom.
Once you know who you are and what you are, the next step is to actually be that person towards others. It can be harder than you might think but it is vital to finding the right person for you.
After that, you must find the person who aligns with you naturally. The only way to do this is to see that person as they actually are.
Without clouding them with your expectations of who you hope they are.
Only then can you make the wisest choice which can result in a strong, lasting and loving relationship. Once that happens its just a matter of maintaining your alignment.