How do you get to... - Free Chat, Mobile Dating Forums

Topic: How do you get to...

Well, maybe I intuitively sensed the following???
Turns out he got divorced earlier this year. So he's only very recently out of a relationship.

I'm not going to give that a try and end up in another rebound situation in which I'm the one that gets hurt.
I've done that before, ignored the fact he hadn't been single very long, because the vibe between us was astounding! But... it went wrong in the end, then took me 2 years of my precious time to get over that.

Maybe Spirit has intuitively made me hold back and tread carefully as opposed to jumping right in.

Riverspirit1111

Sat 06/24/23 03:23 AM

Oh boy, definitely listen to your intuition on that one, Crystal.

Even the healthiest of people need time to go solo after a break-up/divorce. It's almost been a year for me and I've only just recently started getting back to my true self. Now that that's happened, I want to explore me a while longer before inviting someone else into my life.

Plus with Venus going retrograde in less than a month, starting something new isn't in the stars, so to speak, haha. I'll gladly wait a few more months to make sure not to carry old baggage/patterns into new beginnings with a love relationship. Let Venus work her magic.

Hopefully the next one will be more promising for you. :heart:

SparklingCrystal 💖💎

Sat 06/24/23 04:32 AM

Oh yes, Venus Rx...
I'm certain Spirit stopped me from jumping into this situation and had me doubt, question, etc. to protect me.
I've made very clear to Spirit I do not want another connection that's doomed to fail or another 'lesson' relationship. Done with that! Then I'd rather stay single.
I only want the right connection for me. I'm ready for that, worthy of it, looking forward to it!
Obviously Spirit is on my side, agreeing with me on this one.

And yup, it takes time. I remember when I was in that place after my divorce. Someone said I was going through rebound.
I felt he was nuts! But in retrospect he was dead on!
You simply cannot escape it, nor should one try as it's a natural process. You need it if you want to get 'whole' again.

Glad to hear you're back to your old self!
I too took my time to heal, and after that to enjoy being me!
I still celebrate my relationship with me. It's the most important one in life.

In any case, enjoy your 'me' time!

Edited by SparklingCrystal 💖💎 on Sat 06/24/23 04:33 AM

bobtail76

Sat 06/24/23 06:22 PM

Devil's advocate here... maybe he's not wanting to invest in getting to know you until "after" you meet face to face? No different than you wanting to get to know him more "before" you meet face to face.

Before we had internet, how did we do it? We met a perfect stranger, got that warm fuzzy feeling, (sometimes both got it, sometimes just one got it) decided to have coffee, and got to know each other, or not.

Now that we have the convenience of the internet, we can take our time chatting before we actually meet face to face. It's safer, easier, and avoids all that awkwardness of meeting face to face with someone you barely know.

The down side to that is you could spend a few weeks or couple of months chatting with this person, thinking you click, and then discover after meeting that there's no real connection. Perhaps he gets that so wants to meet as soon as possible?

Maybe a little more clarification is necessary? Just a thought.

Haha, just read what you last posted. Yes, being more blunt might help with the situation.

I'm with you... I would have dipped by now.There should be a little vetting, to make sure he's not a psychopath - but online personalities seems to be way different in person, so what the hell are you gonna learn with 3 weeks of vetting. Catfishing, people portraying themselves as something else seems like a waste of time and effort

Unknow

Sun 07/02/23 09:35 PM

agreeing to meet someone for a drink?

I got this man wanting to meet over coffees and he's really interested in me.
But... we've not exchanged anything much and he seems to think that we're going to meet and have a drink and then get acquainted.

Personally I don't work that way. I prefer to let things evolve organically first and then...
And that can still go fast. With my last partner it took 1,5 weeks.
We got talking, hit it off right away, few days later talked on the phone which felt even better, and agreed to meet and set a date. Couldn't do that faster cos of a gig he had with his band otherwise we would have met even sooner.

I already told him I don't like to rush, prefer to let think develop organically, yet he now seems to think he has to wait for me to be ready. And that I will let him know when I am so we can meet and have a coffee?

Kind of like WTH? That means no/little exchange and still not getting to know one another? What's the point then?
As it is I'm not interested in the slightest, just wondering if I'm the weird one here, hihi.

So now I'm thinking, do most people just go on a meet & greet that way?
To me that would feel like meeting a total stranger -which he then would be- and assume / hope it's going to work out & you're not going to be tongue-tied.

So how do you go about it?
In a similar setting would you just go and have the drink or would you first prefer to have a bit more of a feel for the person, what they're like etc?

I think people are afraid of being catfished. Growing a strong relationship by phone calls & messages & then never a follow through meet & greet. It feels like a total waste of time to the person having high expectations. When people have been hurt that way in the past. They are a little more eager to meet in person. To ensure you are in fact a real person. But I totally get where you are coming from!
This is a great relationship podcast

https://youtu.be/tB0sxKXODPc

Kevin

Mon 07/03/23 04:42 PM

I like to meet ASAP. You can talk for months and waste your time, only to find there is zero chemistry in person. Meeting does not commit you to anything, but it sure weeds out the poor prospects really fast.