I hide behind these eyes
They hide the lies I want to hide
The man outside me cries
I'm the man you idolize
But he's almost died

Although the man has tried and tried
He can't abide by the rules of fools
So he must die
So here I hide behind these eyes
Waiting for this man to die
A lonely death oh yes I know
But it's me or him so he must go

He holds on to life like he has a chance
Not a chance in hell, although I wish him well
He's like a brother
But like I said it's me or him and in this game I aim to win
And the winner can be no other
Then me.

Nice poem .

This is a Comment just for improvement . Try again Later .!!

Not a very constructive critique Paul, perhaps more detail on weakness and suggestion for improving
...and julie, always same reply...it's ok if some don't appeal to you or evoke a thought or feeling you'd like to share.

Thank you for your comment . I think everyone learns from Xperience , you still can do it with adding a good Rhyming . I need a Wow factor from you Next time . In the meantime Good Luck !

Much better, all these poems/songs I'm posting are from at least 20 years ago before I was married (wrote little to nothing while I was married for over 20 years), all are from memory so some have changed possibly. Sometimes trying to rhyme too well can alter the message.
A critic from someone in college was "it's so much different when heard then when read"....perhaps it's my punctuation or pronunciation...but I get ya.

I think it was good...better than I could do. One thing that bugs me is the "then" rather than "than." And I'm assuming it is meant to say than, but if it really is supposed to say "then," I'm just even worse off than I thought with poetry. 🤷‍♀️

Im no poet but I know one personally.

Yours is a bit disturbing and scary!

Ya, guess it should have been than, didn't do well in English class, even now with spell check I'm messing up...
I haven't posted the disturbing ones yet