I’m gonna say something most people won’t admit…

Sometimes I wonder if we’re all just scrolling past each other looking for a feeling instead of actually getting to know someone.

Like… how many times have you matched or messaged someone and it started off great, then just slowly faded for no real reason?

No argument. No bad vibes. Just… gone.

I’ve had a few conversations on here that made me think, “okay, this could actually go somewhere,” and then out of nowhere, silence! And it makes you think… is it the app? Timing? Or are people just not as intentional as they say they are?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not expecting instant sparks or fairytale conversations. But I do appreciate consistency. Effort. Even something simple like “hey, I’m busy today but I’ll text you later” goes a long way.

I guess what I’m really asking is…

Are people here actually looking for something real, or just passing time until the next distraction shows up?

No judgment either way, just curious where everyone’s head is at.

And be real… what’s the main reason conversations usually die for you?

that happens quite often actually.. the longer you chat at times, the more you realize there's no real spark, no commonalities.. and the conversation simply fades away..



for me? I'm not looking for anything but friendship, possibly an activity partner, obviously someone local would be preferrable but that's hard to find so I've no expectations of finding anyone really.. as to finding a mate/partner/THE one? doubtful at this point in my life so.. figure friendship is the best way to go

as to what the main reason conversations usually die for me? lack of intelligent engagement on the other parties part.. simply put, I lose interest after awhile cuz they can't seem to keep a conversation going OR the conversations are all about themselves.. their needs, their wants & desires.. their past, what they hope for in the future, or it turns sexual before we've even met (total turnoff for me).. so again, lack of intelligent engagement.. I try encouraging the conversation by asking open ended questions, which would allow them to express themselves OR to even ask questions about me yet.. it doesn't seem to do much and at this point, I tend to move on

That’s actually one of the most honest takes I’ve seen on here.

And I get what you’re saying, sometimes it’s not even that anything went wrong, it’s just that the connection never really builds into anything meaningful. No depth, no back-and-forth… just surface-level until it fades out.

But what you said about “lack of intelligent engagement” really stood out to me, because I’ve noticed the same thing. It’s like you’re putting in effort—asking real questions, trying to actually understand the person and on the other side it’s either one-word answers or everything somehow loops back to them.

That part about conversations turning sexual too fast? Yeah… that kills it instantly. It kind of shows where someone’s head is at without them having to say it directly.

I also respect the mindset of just focusing on friendship and letting things be what they are. Ironically, I feel like that’s when things tend to be more genuine anyway when there’s no pressure behind it.

Out of curiosity though… when you do come across someone who can actually hold a conversation and match your energy, what’s something that makes you think, “okay, this is different”?

If I get matched or find a person I am really attracted to , I start the conversation and wait to see where it leads to ..
If the person is local I will quickly ask for a meet and greet, normally a coffee.. If agreed to , it doesnt take to long to find out if there is a connection , a spark or even a first date in the making .
Now the persons far away , are different . The conversation starts of well and carries on for a few days, gets deeper and you think its going great. And then suddenly you are ghosted.....guessing the distance did that, and I am normally right . Either that or the person is not looking for a pen pal and neither are you..

For the reading the profiles part, yes I read the profiles to look at what they say (or do not say). Something thoughtful in the about section goes a long ways, but an empty profile tells me they do not want to waste their time like they are not going to be here long (scammer?) or are just too lazy, what ever.

But your question seems to have moved over to messages, which is harder. Texting is a low form of communicating, without seeing each other face to face and their reactions it is hard to know if they actually understood what you tried to tell them or did they misread it and think you said something that you did not actually say.
Another thing is that most of the people on here have past relationships, you never know what you night do or say that can bring up a bad memory for someone and they think their best option is just to exit the conversation. Good or bad, that is their choice.
Then of course there is the possibility that real life happened to them, hopefully it is something positive like they found someone and they are living happy now. But I have been on the bad end of it where I was dating a girl when I got into a bad accident and was in a coma for a month and a couple more months after that when I could get to a computer to find her email and phone number which had changed by then, she was probably not happy at me thinking that I ghosted her...lol

So all you can do is just keep going. You do not want to force a conversation onto someone, so if they are fading away then so be it and you can move on. Good Luck

thank you.. my dad always told me I was a horrible liar so, honesty for me is key, besides.. I have enough trouble remembering my home phone # so trying to keep up with lies told is a too much of a challenge

I appreciate you noticing



I'm very much into creating conversations, the back'n forth are important to me as it gives me a better sense of who that person is in real life.. if there is none, I feel like I'm sitting in front of that person, perhaps at a coffee shop, looking around while trying to find something to say.. meanwhile, awkwardness sets in.. I may be wrong but, I'm assuming it's similar for you as well?



those 1 word answers are real conversation killers, and give me the immediate impression they're uninterested.. it's hard to engage them without starting a new query, in hopes that'll get them "talking", sometimes simply asking what their hobby's are is like pulling teeth.. OR like you said, loops back to "all about moi" which can also be, to me, an indication they've no interest in learning who I am..



exactly, using 'subtle (not really lol) innuendo' to bring the conversation to that sexual connontation, which you stated, kills it instantly.. as if their only focus is intimate encounters.. which is nothing I'm interested in, being, I guess, old fashioned in some ways, until a relationship is actually in full swing.. I know that men can oftentimes be single minded, but I'm curious, have you ever come across conversations with women initiating sexual suggestions too fast?



I believe that the natural evolution of any relationship shud be simply that, natural.. when seeking only friendship, as you put, there's no pressure for anyone to be performative.. both parties can relax, be themselves and actually enjoy their time together, also allowing for both parties to arrive at a deeper understanding of the other.. have you ever felt you've HAD to perform, not truly act yourself, when talking with women?



actually, this conversation
it all falls back to intelligent engagement.. striking up a conversation with someone that actually listens (in this case READS), responds with understanding and continues the conversation with a question that illicits a reciprocal response..

frankly stated, many reading these posts might feel they're intruding on a private conversation.. which may well be the case but, as I've nothing to hide, and don't really care what people think of me, I say "let them eat cake!" however their voyeuristic nature won't allow them to NOT continue reading don'tcha agree?

The death knell for me seems to be the 500 character limit.

If I try to explain something complex (emotions are extremely complex in widowerhood) I hit that 500 character limit 5 times and end up with a half-finished thought, which I can only imagine how that looks on the other end - ("WTF, this goof just stopped in the middle of a thought train & then nothing?") - especially since most folks know nothing about those limits on messaging.

It's ALMOST enough to actually take one of the scammers up on their offer to join Wazzapp or some other text service.
There's no really good reason for either limit since you are allowed to block annoying messengers anyway.

If ya can't say what ya need in less than five-hundred words, Ya need to be a bit more concise in your thoughts.

Unless you work for a newspaper and get paid by the word.

Or just divide your essay-like responses into two messages.

Yeah ! I knew nothing about the 500 character limit...
so now I reply in three parts....and it seems to work , cause I get replies in about the same !!

This has turned into one of the more real threads I’ve seen on here, honestly. Everyone’s coming at it from a slightly different angle, but it all kind of circles the same core issue: intention vs. effort vs. reality.

I think @Zena nailed something important, sometimes it’s not ghosting in a dramatic sense, it’s just the slow realization that there’s no real substance. You can feel when a conversation has depth versus when you’re basically carrying it on your back. And yeah… one-word replies or everything being self-focused? That’ll kill even the best start.

At the same time, @Slim gym makes a solid point too, meeting sooner rather than later probably cuts through a lot of the “endless chat that goes nowhere” problem. It’s way easier to figure out chemistry in 20 minutes over coffee than 3 days of messaging. But then distance throws a wrench in that, and suddenly you’re stuck in this weird “pen pal with potential” zone that usually fades out.

And @GravelRidgeBoy brought up something I think people don’t talk about enough, real life and past experiences. Not every disappearance is intentional or careless. Sometimes people get overwhelmed, triggered, busy, or just unsure how to communicate what they’re feeling… so they default to silence. Doesn’t make it ideal, but it makes it human.

The 500-character thing is kind of funny but also real, because it actually highlights a bigger issue: communication styles. Some people are short and to the point, others need space to express themselves. If those styles don’t match, it can feel like disinterest on one side and “too much” on the other.

For me personally? I think conversations usually die from a mix of things:

lack of curiosity (no questions, no effort to understand each other)

mismatched energy (one person is engaged, the other is just… there)

or no clear direction (just drifting small talk with no movement toward actually meeting or building something)

But I also think a lot of people say they want something real… while still keeping one foot in the “next option” mindset. Dating apps kind of train that into people without them realizing it.

If I had to answer my own question now after reading all your replies I’d say people are open to something real… but only when it feels easy, mutual, and immediate. The second it requires a little more patience, clarity, or effort, that’s when things start to fade.

Curious what others think about that, do you think it’s more about how people communicate… or how quickly they decide if it’s worth continuing?

I have to say this has been an interesting line of discussion. I am surprised no women have responded to this conversation. I too have been ghosted. I never understood it. It seems the conversation is flowing in a good directions and then Poof! Same as a first meet seems to go well and Poof again! I guess some people find it hard to be honest. I rather a person telling me that are just not vibing then pretend to have a good time then disappear. Honesty is underrated i guess....

15 years ago, when I was still open to dating
(met Squeeze here) I remember opening up my
email one day to about 300 messages, quite
overwhelming.

I went through them all with nearly no lasting
impressions, except for one message.

It is always the words that catch the eye,
for me.

The message read 'Happy New Year'.

No falseness, no begging no flirty tone, no
invading my space. Just the simple thought.

It was the only one I replied to ;-)

I will go with communication style....the way one expresses themselves, whether its short and sweet or long and meaningful. Both ways can work... Keeping in mind that more just may not be necessary.
Short sweet and flirty responses work well for me and I generally expect the same back....kinda like being on the same wavelenght. I read profiles with intention...looking for some clue that there is a connection, and if I feel chemistry....its a start ...