
If I was Wiccan I would be in the Correllian Tradition
Okay, I'll bite. What's the Correllian Tradition?
Correllian Wicca
This was originally started through the combined effort of L. Ron Hubbard, Ray Kroc and Bill Gates. They hoped to combine their occult powers to ensure that each home in Amerika (and eventually the world) would have at least one Wiccan. In order to do this they needed to make Wicca more easily digestible and able to be distributed to as wide an audience as possible but still with the great attention to service excellence as original Wicca. Following in the footsteps of the highly respected "Online Colleges" where one can buy your PhD, they started a Witch School where one could make your way through their ranks to become Queen of all Wiccans. All a future Wiccan wannabe needed to do was send them money and in return they would send you papers to fill your bookshelves at home with, cool badges to win friends and influence people with and a certificate with tasteful clipart pictures (drawn by L. Ron Hubbard himself) in case anyone tries to dispute your claim of being Queen of all Wiccans. All rituals, including self-initiations, take place online in chat rooms, probably by those same guys who hit on your 8-year-old sister through Yahoo Messenger.
The Native Americans had been practicing Wicca for millennia and it had been passed down to L. Ron Hubbard by his grandma (a Native American gypsy wench, who occasionally hit the crack-peace-pipe) but was an overly complicated system