Finding a relationship is similar to a job vs career... You're going to just do the absolute minimum to get a job but a career you'll put your best foot forward time and time again. Also, you'll dress for success not just throw on whatever you have in your closet. The heart is involved when you're going for a career, it's only involved a little bit if it's just a job to you. In the long run the job you'll quit easily whereas the career you'll have a hard time breaking from.
That's how it is between just dating and a real relationship.
So if you don't have photos and not much on your profile then that tells me where your heart is, you didn't put much effort so that tells me it's like a job to you...

How can i find a real love ,

I quote you all wrong in the fact that men don't read rather ladies don't. I encounter a lady asking me my country whereas she saw it in my profile does that tell that ladies read?

no miss tessa it is not some form of false hope. if any thing it would better be described as closure for the very reason you just hit on. you haven't been aroand to respond or is shyly going slow making a decision. both of which are ok even in real life.

but typically if you are the shy timid type you keep stopping by and viewing the profile looking for either what makes you nervous or reinforcing the positive gathering courage. one of the paid sites i was on a couple of years ago actually had 2 no thanks buttons built in. one was just no or not interested the other was i am exploring someone else right now. so they were simple canned messages. and i would rather recieve one of them than nothing at all

Anyone can be in a relationship but it's only real when they put that person above their own selfish needs and wants.

I've learned that it is not what I have in my life but who I have in my life that counts.

I wish Mingle would put in something like that:

2 no thanks buttons built in. one was just no or not interested the other was i am exploring someone else right now

Every message I receive I have to message back letting them know I am exploring someone else right now...
Whenever they favorite me I do the same.

I do :)

We do read profiles, you would be surprised what you find. Having tried a couple on line sites, I'm a little jaded by now about the accuracy of profiles. (lol)

1) Profile-Has Children 'No' Wants Children 'No'...Profile reads "Well if forced to, my two sons would say I was a good mom..." Er, ok.
2) Profile -Has Children 'No' Wants Children 'No' Has Pets 'No'...Profile says "The man I meet should have good parenting skills.." FOR WHO? The paperboy????
3) Profile- Body Type- Undefined..Profile shows 6 pics of you in a bathing suit, running shorts, LBD and heels, and bent over gardening. Um, we all now know what your body type is, and 'undefined' it is not!
4) Pictures---- Nine selfies, ALL taken at arms length, with your hands an inch to the right of the previous picture doesn't help me to know what you look like! If I hovered 8 inches above your head all day, these pics would be awesome! Also, if you don't smoke, why do ALL your pics have a cigarette in your hand? Same as the 'social' drinker whose pics are all a variation of them slightly gibbled at a bar, wedding, New Year's party, and ALWAYS sitting at a table covered in empties! We apparently have a differing of opinion on 'social'.(lol)
5) Pictures (the sequel)-- It's just a little creepy if your pics are you and your teen daughter dressed to go out and party. I'm left to wonder if she wants to be like you, if you want to be like her, and is the group cleavage shot REALLY something you want on the 'net? Just sayin'.
6) Finally, defining the goal. Waaaayyyy too many people select wanting a relationship when all they want to do is serial date. Maybe a setting of 'kissing frogs until I luck out and a Prince (who is not gay) appears' would be appropriate. If you REALLY don't want to settle down, then choose the dating option. I met several people with the best of intentions who CLEARLY had no desire to be in a serious relationship or get married again, but had chosen looking to marry as their profile selection.

So yes, some of us read the profile, we try to read between the lines, we try to estimate the odds of success based on what you say you like and what you want, try to figure out if we can do that, and then look at your profile picture 50 times trying to convince ourselves that maybe it will be different this time.....

Well then what do you say about the guy/gal that reads the profile but doesn't remember what they read when they message you...

I have been taking a break from all the dating sites recently because of all the scammers I ran into. Just a waste of my time. Here's their story: usually they are working in construction, or they are at least "out of the country". The very first guy (I think it was more than one guy actually. One who could write in English, another who could not) was out of the country and ran out of money and couldn't get himself home. He/they professed their love for me in the 2nd message they sent me. What is wrong with that picture? Another was in construction and was supposedly building a foot bridge in Ireland. Ran out of money and needed only $2,000 to finish up this job. Too bad he didn't know a friendly banker who would cover his butt. Of course I was just the woman he was looking for and he too said he loved me before he asked for the cash. This guy had told me he lived in a nearby suburb but after he called me I looked up his weird number and found he was in LA, California. Then there was yet another one, similar story, calling me from Miami, Florida (I'm in MI). Another one, upon answering his first message I warned him about scammers. That was the last I heard from him--must have been another scammer. People use your heads when you are on these dating sites. No person in their right mind (I want to emphasize "right mind") is going to be in love with you after 2, 3, or 4 messages! Also pay attention to how the message is written. If the English wording is a little strange and awkward, the writer is probably not an English speaking person and thus is out of the country because they live out of the country. I always delete their profile as soon as I figure out their scammer status. I know they will just make a new profile and will be back but I do get a little satisfaction out it.

Unless it's half a page without paragraphs,i read all profiles that i visit. But if i get the same old cliches,i soon get bored. The same with the usual scammer words and sentences. On the flip side,i expect someone to have read my profile before they contact me. They get one chance with a stupid question,and if they ask for something that is already there again,they are gone

You will get better with spotting scammers as you go along. Language is a big give away. If they "want to know you more", ask more questions than they give information, want you to believe they are up in the middle of the night emailing you, or immediately ask you to go to another free site, giving or begging for a phone number right off the bat, tell you they are a widowed engineer with a kid you can bet they are bogus.

There are always going to be the guys on line that hope you are going to be the cyber version of the girl in the bar or hope to sex talk for free. Report, block, and move on without taking it personal. NEVER; EVER, give someone your home number or where you work. There are criminals on line. And they can charm the whiskers off a cat.

Legit guys are going to try and ask questions and probably want to see a recent full length photo but they don't usually give you a psychological profile or some flowery description of their sudden infatuation. Almost all men will tell you that you are beautiful sooner or later; maybe it is a safe answer or genuine but hey beats the alternative. And legit guys do not care if you are "perfect". Most are going to be as afraid of you being a scammer or blabbing their personal stuff as you are of them. Most are sensitive about someone trying to play them for money so be sympathetic about work (but wait for them to offer specifics) and those women that play head games. A lot of the best guys are parents, and good ones, but they will be pretty tight lipped about it for at least a while. Legit guys do read what is posted so if you are constantly breaking balls and whining they would rather deal with someone with less "bad attitude". A lot of decent guys do live with extended family during post divorce periods, especially if they have kids, because two families can not live as cheaply as one and they have out grown the "party animal" stage. There are a lot of great guys on Mingle on and off the forums. Good luck.


Thank you for the useful information on how to spot a scammer. Did you notice that most men are Engineers, widowers with young kids. They sound like scammers just looking for sympathy. And there are others who are too good to be true. If they are what is written on their profile, they should not have any problems having women lining up for them. Why are gorgeous hunks having to find girls online?? That itself tells me that his photo is fake

By the way, the first 3 paragraphs are from another contributor

Well, i'm not so very shy timid person as you might think (though i'm also not too outgoing),but i'm really not here every day...;)
As for "closure" thing i do understand what you think, but i don't think that is always possible or necessary (in virtual or real life ;), specially when somebody gets too many interests to cope with, for example. This happens sometimes, i experienced it on some other dating site (i'm obviously not so popular here...), but that site was a bit differently organized (with a lot of buttons, too) and there was a chronic lack of women, so almost every woman got 10 to 20 interests daily. A "no thanks" button or similar "canned messages" would be a possible solution (i miss that, here) -- probably more people would rather just push the button than write a "no" message -- but i think in the case of too many interests even that wouldn't work, people just wouldn't bother to push that button so many times...

some NO. Today I've had a few messages saying how lovely and interesting was my profile was, blah blah.

my reply,

I removed all the text yesterday and only the cancer logo in memory of my loved ones is on there.

His reply

oh I meant interesting

ME - BLOCKED

Plus I have had many admit they ONLY looked at the photo's when I asked why are they asking me what's stated in my profile.

I'm guessing 95% of the profiles on here are scammers.
The city and state don't match up
Their picture doesn't match race or age
And they want yahoo messenger
It's amazing how many Iowa women are stuck in Ghana cause their employer won't pay them. Hopefully they'll look for a new job when they get back.
And how can you be an engineer without going to college.
Why would you be looking for love if you are stuck in another county. My but would be at the embassy trying to get home

Do women? why would you assume that men are the big sinners here

May I ask you guys do you actually put the right city on your profile if you're legit?

yes.
next?

Rizun
we don't asume and it depends in the person

Man reader checking in..