Mingle2 apple store icon
Try Mingle2 app for better experience
Community Recent My Topics
Community > Dating & Relationships
Topic: Initiating 101
Reply
Riverspirit1111's photo

Riverspirit1111

Tue 11/27/18 09:03 AM


It's statistically impossible to win, if you don't play
the game.




grumble So I've heard!
SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo

SparklingCrystal 💖💎

Tue 11/27/18 09:04 AM

Nice way to initiate with a man if there's no real time or option for the smile & eye-contact... ask for his help.
For instance asking help to find out which cake/bread/pie is best in the bakery.
Asking him if he can hold your jacket or drink for a sec while you quickly do XYZ (can be as simple as throwing the shoulder strap of your handbag over you shoulder diagonally, or get your wallet out of your purse or put it away).

Simple things like that that aren't ridiculously obvious but can be done/asked casually, and at the same time can help start a conversation.
Riverspirit1111's photo

Riverspirit1111

Tue 11/27/18 09:08 AM




Sounds interesting. But where does 101 come from?


Lol, Larsi remember when you went to school? Some of the classes were "101" classes... meaning more of an introductory kind of class... a "how to"

And it sounds better than "Initiating for dummies" laugh

I didn't know that either. English is not my 1st language so some of these things I just don't know.
Learning all the time, hihi.
flowerforyou


I know, I forget that sometimes. Larsi just reminded me of that in another thread when he inquired about what "tush" meant, haha

Do you have the series of books in reference to "Dummies"? "Computers for Dummies" etc... They are meant to be humorous and written very easy for anyone to understand. That was what my "dummy" comment was referring to. I don't care for that title though.


SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo

SparklingCrystal 💖💎

Tue 11/27/18 09:12 AM


I know, I forget that sometimes. Larsi just reminded me of that in another thread when he inquired about what "tush" meant, haha

Do you have the series of books in reference to "Dummies"? "Computers for Dummies" etc... They are meant to be humorous and written very easy for anyone to understand. That was what my "dummy" comment was referring to. I don't care for that title though.




Yes, we do have that. Years ago I was interested in buying the "bible for dummies". I browsed through it in the store, then decided that even that version was too much for me laugh laugh laugh
I quickly put it back on the shelf, hihi.
Riverspirit1111's photo

Riverspirit1111

Tue 11/27/18 09:13 AM


Nice way to initiate with a man if there's no real time or option for the smile & eye-contact... ask for his help.
For instance asking help to find out which cake/bread/pie is best in the bakery.
Asking him if he can hold your jacket or drink for a sec while you quickly do XYZ (can be as simple as throwing the shoulder strap of your handbag over you shoulder diagonally, or get your wallet out of your purse or put it away).

Simple things like that that aren't ridiculously obvious but can be done/asked casually, and at the same time can help start a conversation.


That's a great idea Crystal. I do stuff like this already.... just not as a conscious means to initiate. For some reason when I get in that "I'd like to meet you" mood, feeling all giddy like, I totally freeze and do nothing! slaphead

Reminds me of one of those movies I saw where the girl gets all tongue tied and only manages to say hi and then later bangs her head up against the wall, hahahaha
Riverspirit1111's photo

Riverspirit1111

Tue 11/27/18 09:13 AM



I know, I forget that sometimes. Larsi just reminded me of that in another thread when he inquired about what "tush" meant, haha

Do you have the series of books in reference to "Dummies"? "Computers for Dummies" etc... They are meant to be humorous and written very easy for anyone to understand. That was what my "dummy" comment was referring to. I don't care for that title though.




Yes, we do have that. Years ago I was interested in buying the "bible for dummies". I browsed through it in the store, then decided that even that version was too much for me laugh laugh laugh
I quickly put it back on the shelf, hihi.


:thumbsup: laugh
SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo

SparklingCrystal 💖💎

Tue 11/27/18 09:14 AM

"Tush" I do know btw, but I think it is American. In general I'm more familiar with BrE, although I have of course picked up an awful lot from US movies & series. Especially these days I am exposed to that more than BrE.
Riverspirit1111's photo

Riverspirit1111

Tue 11/27/18 09:17 AM

I'm not familiar with BrE?

Yes, I imagine being in an International forum helps familiarize you with the different expressions others use. I work in environments that are very diverse Internationally as well.. and that helps too.
SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo

SparklingCrystal 💖💎

Tue 11/27/18 09:23 AM



Nice way to initiate with a man if there's no real time or option for the smile & eye-contact... ask for his help.
For instance asking help to find out which cake/bread/pie is best in the bakery.
Asking him if he can hold your jacket or drink for a sec while you quickly do XYZ (can be as simple as throwing the shoulder strap of your handbag over you shoulder diagonally, or get your wallet out of your purse or put it away).

Simple things like that that aren't ridiculously obvious but can be done/asked casually, and at the same time can help start a conversation.


That's a great idea Crystal. I do stuff like this already.... just not as a conscious means to initiate. For some reason when I get in that "I'd like to meet you" mood, feeling all giddy like, I totally freeze and do nothing! slaphead

Reminds me of one of those movies I saw where the girl gets all tongue tied and only manages to say hi and then later bangs her head up against the wall, hahahaha

Oh yes, I can so relate to feeling that way, hahaha.
There are ways to 'train' yourself so it all comes easier. Think of things you can talk about upfront, including 'openers', so you're never stuck for something to say. Even handy to write that down to get it into your system.
May sound mechanical, but for it to come more natural and to internalize it you have to first kind of 'drill' yourself.
Then start practicing having simple chit chats with people everywhere.
I remember one coach had made one woman who had extreme difficulty with this go into town to ask 20 people the time.
By the time she'd done that, she was okay with that. Then he made her go back and ask the time AND compliment the person on their watch/phone, hence starting a little conversation.
By the time she was done she was far more relaxed about approaching someone and I believe she managed to go up to a guy in the bar that weekend as well.

I'm almost feeling excited now to get going with this stuff again, hihi. Almost... tongue2
Larsi666 😽's photo

Larsi666 😽

Tue 11/27/18 09:25 AM

My old English teacher insisted on British English as well. He spent 3 years at Oxford University. But I will keep tushy in mind. It sounds funny laugh
Riverspirit1111's photo

Riverspirit1111

Tue 11/27/18 09:37 AM




Nice way to initiate with a man if there's no real time or option for the smile & eye-contact... ask for his help.
For instance asking help to find out which cake/bread/pie is best in the bakery.
Asking him if he can hold your jacket or drink for a sec while you quickly do XYZ (can be as simple as throwing the shoulder strap of your handbag over you shoulder diagonally, or get your wallet out of your purse or put it away).

Simple things like that that aren't ridiculously obvious but can be done/asked casually, and at the same time can help start a conversation.


That's a great idea Crystal. I do stuff like this already.... just not as a conscious means to initiate. For some reason when I get in that "I'd like to meet you" mood, feeling all giddy like, I totally freeze and do nothing! slaphead

Reminds me of one of those movies I saw where the girl gets all tongue tied and only manages to say hi and then later bangs her head up against the wall, hahahaha

Oh yes, I can so relate to feeling that way, hahaha.
There are ways to 'train' yourself so it all comes easier. Think of things you can talk about upfront, including 'openers', so you're never stuck for something to say. Even handy to write that down to get it into your system.
May sound mechanical, but for it to come more natural and to internalize it you have to first kind of 'drill' yourself.
Then start practicing having simple chit chats with people everywhere.
I remember one coach had made one woman who had extreme difficulty with this go into town to ask 20 people the time.
By the time she'd done that, she was okay with that. Then he made her go back and ask the time AND compliment the person on their watch/phone, hence starting a little conversation.
By the time she was done she was far more relaxed about approaching someone and I believe she managed to go up to a guy in the bar that weekend as well.

I'm almost feeling excited now to get going with this stuff again, hihi. Almost... tongue2


Yes, exactly... practice until it comes naturally. Thank you! That's what I was thinking when I created the thread. Sometimes it's not a matter of just being you, because sometimes "you" is stuck inside just dying to come out and you need a little assistance. smile2

I remember one of my 12 step recovery sponsors years ago helping me to say no. I had a habit of agreeing to chair meetings even when I didn't want to. Major difficulty saying no. For one month I was not to chair a meeting, or explain why... Just say "No"! Omg, it was torture laugh But by the end of the month, no came a lot easier and I didn't feel the "need" to explain myself... Just No!

This to me is much the same thing. I noticed over the summer when people ask me how I am, I say "Fine, thank you"... and leave it at that. That's a dead end statement... conversation over. So I consciously would practice saying "I'm doing well, how about you?" to at least open a two way conversation rather than cut it off before it had a chance to begin.
Riverspirit1111's photo

Riverspirit1111

Tue 11/27/18 09:40 AM


My old English teacher insisted on British English as well. He spent 3 years at Oxford University. But I will keep tushy in mind. It sounds funny laugh


Yes, just keep in mind it's a little more feminine Larsi laugh winking

Us women have adopted more feminine terminology to go along with the ones that don't sound proper or ladylike, hahaha

My Aunt always said, "Women don't fart, they fluff" laugh

Rock's photo

Rock

Tue 11/27/18 10:08 AM



Nice way to initiate with a man if there's no real time or option for the smile & eye-contact... ask for his help.
For instance asking help to find out which cake/bread/pie is best in the bakery.
Asking him if he can hold your jacket or drink for a sec while you quickly do XYZ (can be as simple as throwing the shoulder strap of your handbag over you shoulder diagonally, or get your wallet out of your purse or put it away).

Simple things like that that aren't ridiculously obvious but can be done/asked casually, and at the same time can help start a conversation.


That's a great idea Crystal. I do stuff like this already.... just not as a conscious means to initiate. For some reason when I get in that "I'd like to meet you" mood, feeling all giddy like, I totally freeze and do nothing! slaphead

Reminds me of one of those movies I saw where the girl gets all tongue tied and only manages to say hi and then later bangs her head up against the wall, hahahaha


Freeze...

Okay, stop thinking like the fly,
and start thinking like the spider.


soufiehere's photo

soufiehere

Tue 11/27/18 10:15 AM


It's statistically impossible to win, if you don't play
the game.
As opposed to 'WarGames' where you cannot
lose, if you do not play the game ;-)
I_love_bluegrass's photo

I_love_bluegrass

Tue 11/27/18 11:14 AM




Okay, stop thinking like the fly,
and start thinking like the spider.




You mean like Scarlett O'Hara?? laugh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieYSnh2vBaQ
Toodygirl5's photo

Toodygirl5

Tue 11/27/18 11:29 AM

I always seen myself as a Flirt. I would strike up a conversation with a man if I was attracted to him. Sometimes you do get rejection.

I can talk to a man even if I am Not really attracted to him. I like Adult conversation. And I like talking.laugh

Online it's hard to meet good conversationalist men , less known a good date.

I have met a few on Relationship geared sites. , So I know they are out there.

Men like to play online , from my experience, and I have had many. But they get nowhere with me because I know What kind of man I desire.

bigsmile waving
Edited by Toodygirl5 on Tue 11/27/18 11:29 AM
Riverspirit1111's photo

Riverspirit1111

Tue 11/27/18 12:23 PM




Nice way to initiate with a man if there's no real time or option for the smile & eye-contact... ask for his help.
For instance asking help to find out which cake/bread/pie is best in the bakery.
Asking him if he can hold your jacket or drink for a sec while you quickly do XYZ (can be as simple as throwing the shoulder strap of your handbag over you shoulder diagonally, or get your wallet out of your purse or put it away).

Simple things like that that aren't ridiculously obvious but can be done/asked casually, and at the same time can help start a conversation.


That's a great idea Crystal. I do stuff like this already.... just not as a conscious means to initiate. For some reason when I get in that "I'd like to meet you" mood, feeling all giddy like, I totally freeze and do nothing! slaphead

Reminds me of one of those movies I saw where the girl gets all tongue tied and only manages to say hi and then later bangs her head up against the wall, hahahaha


Freeze...

Okay, stop thinking like the fly,
and start thinking like the spider.





How does the spider think?
Riverspirit1111's photo

Riverspirit1111

Tue 11/27/18 12:31 PM


I always seen myself as a Flirt. I would strike up a conversation with a man if I was attracted to him. Sometimes you do get rejection.

I can talk to a man even if I am Not really attracted to him. I like Adult conversation. And I like talking.laugh

Online it's hard to meet good conversationalist men , less known a good date.

I have met a few on Relationship geared sites. , So I know they are out there.

Men like to play online , from my experience, and I have had many. But they get nowhere with me because I know What kind of man I desire.

bigsmile waving


I have absolutely no problem striking up a conversation with adults... so long as I'm not attracted to him slaphead laugh

I've been in the customer service industry for quite a few years, worked in health care, education, and hospitality, been a part of social groups (face to face)... No problem meeting strangers and talking about whatever subject comes up or initiating the conversation.

Be it a man who I'd like to go out with... Suddenly I'm tongue tied and can't think of what to talk about. It's almost like getting up in front of a room full of people to make a speech... Stage fright I guess, lol.
Toodygirl5's photo

Toodygirl5

Tue 11/27/18 12:39 PM

That's interesting , you fear a man you want to date! slaphead
Riverspirit1111's photo

Riverspirit1111

Tue 11/27/18 12:50 PM


That's interesting , you fear a man you want to date! slaphead


I know, crazy huh! slaphead

I'm not sure it's an actual fear, after the first date I'm fine... it's just the initiating part, the initial face to face encounter when you meet for the first time.